Drawing Near

Psalm 119:25-29, 31-32

"My soul cleaves to the dust; Revive me according to Your word. I have told of my ways, and You have answered me; Teach me Your statutes. Make me understand the way of Your precepts, So I will meditate on Your wonders. My soul weeps because of grief; Strengthen me according to Your word. Remove the false way from me, And graciously grant me Your law... I cling to Your testimonies; O LORD, do not put me to shame! I shall run the way of Your commandments, For You will enlarge my heart."

Day to day I find myself striving. I want to be more; I want to be better. I want to watch myself ascend a ladder of continual progression, and when I see that imaginary tick mark drop, I struggle. Perhaps you can relate.

The verses above really struck me with a point God has been repeating to me of late. I can't do it. Nothing I do will make me worth more, and none of my progress on that ladder is a result of my efforts. I've been focused on the wrong thing: myself. The way to become "better" is not to focus on myself and how I can be better, but to draw near to God and to meditate on Him and His living Word.

The verses above (and throughout Psalm 119) ask God to be the source behind everything the author asks. "Revive me," has been a plea of my own heart lately. How can I be revived? "...[A]ccording to Your Word." (Psalm 119:25) "I have told You of my ways, and You have answered me; Teach me Your statutes." (Psalm 119:26, emphasis added.) I'm no Bible scholar, but I see "You have answered me" and I think of Job 38-42, when God answered Job, pointing him to the greatness of God and His power. In view of that greatness, God, teach me Your statutes! Each verse in Psalm 119 is such a great picture of the value of God's Word and what we should do with it. For all this worth, I cling to His Word and will follow it because God will enlarge my heart. Anything I do is because of Him!

It's not about being better, or more, or enough; it's about drawing near to God. He knows everything about me - all my failures, all my problems, my every thought - and still, He loves me. (Not because He sees something special in me; anything special in me is a direct result of His creation.) If I can't be comfortable with a God who knows everything about me and still loves me, it's because I'm prideful; I want to be able to do it in my own strength, which would bring glory to me instead of Him. Christ died to purify me so I can be in God's presence continually - so I can draw near to Him!

God, thank You for Your grace to grant me the power and means to cling to Your Word, thus renewing my mind and drawing near to You. Enlarge my heart as I dwell on Your Word, that I might draw near to You and glorify You as a result. Thank You that becoming better is all about drawing near to You, which results in You changing my delights and desires to follow, obey, and ultimately glorify You.

Philippians 1:6

"For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus."

First Love

Revelation 2:3-5a
"...and you have perseverance and have endured for My name's sake, and have not grown weary. 'But I have this against you, that you have left your first love. 'Therefore remember from where you have fallen, and repent and do the deeds you did at first..."

In an attempt to improve myself and get everything done, I've boiled much of life down to a task list. I've been quite thankful for my helpful task lists; I miss less. Yet, while completing the nighttime prayers task on my list, God gently chided me on my plan of attack. He made me realize I've lost my "first love," as mentioned in the verse above, and thus, my reason to do tasks in the first place. 

"First love" in this verse, refers to Christ. My desire to complete a task has more or less replaced my desire to love (and thus serve) Christ. Life easily becomes about doing, rather than serving. Achieving, rather than loving. Myself, rather than Christ.

How did I lose that first love? Achieving isn't inherently against Christ, so where did I go wrong? I lost my original motivation behind achieving. God always looks at the heart, and we are so quick to think about ourselves instead of Him. I wanted the glory of finishing a task, rather than serving Him through my achievement.

This is why I find thankfulness so important. When I thank God for His good gifts, it helps shift me toward thinking about Him. Even in this, I can still make it about myself, as though God exists for me. Yet a good gift glorifies the giver, granting enjoyment to the recipient (and the giver), not the other way around.

Adding to my task list is not how I become a better [wife], nor does accomplishing tasks inherently make me better. Intentionally dwelling on being thankful for God's gift of [my husband and his good qualities] naturally leads me toward love, which leads to my betterment and joy. I must pray for the not-so-good things, and then leave them at His feet. In choosing to dwell on what I'm thankful for in a situation, I glorify God and become more like Christ (which also glorifies God!).

You may have noticed the brackets. Put your own goal in the first bracket and your own applicable thankful thing in the second. When you're tempted to dwell on what's going wrong, pray. Give it to God, and then practice intentionally dwelling on any applicable thankful things within your situation. God may surprise you.

I'm thankful for God's reminder of my first love. Life is so much sweeter when it's about Him instead of me!

What have you thanked God for today?