My Insignificance

Job 38:25-33

"Who has cleft a channel for the flood,

Or a way for the thunderbolt 

To bring rain on a land without people,

On a desert without a man in it,

To satisfy the waste and desolate land

And to make the seeds of grass to sprout?

Has the rain a father?

Or who has begotten the drops of dew?

From whose womb has come the ice?

And the frost of heaven, who has given it birth?

Water becomes hard like stone, 

nd the surface of the deep is imprisoned.

Can you bind the chains of the Pleiades,

Or loose the cords of Orion?

Can you lead forth a constellation in its season,

And guide the Bear with her satellites?

Do you know the ordinances of the heavens,

Or fix their rule over the earth?"

Have you ever stopped to consider the immensity of our Almighty God? When I really take the time to dwell on it, I stand in awe. God is SO big and SO great! Creation is the easiest way I find to meditate on His immensity, artistry, creativity, and even love. It's the most tangible and evident of His works.

Take one tiny piece of His creation: a tree. Every leaf it buds, every flower it blooms, every branch it grows, every ring in its trunk is fashioned by His hand, designed specifically for that tree. Even its parts have pieces and parts - like a leaf. You start to hone in toward DNA, molecules and atoms, and then even quarks and quasars... at least millions of atoms are required to create ONE tree. Double that complexity when you introduce a new species of tree... and keep going for each of the over 6,000 species of tree in the world! We haven't even gotten to the other nearly 400,000 species of plants, yet. Not to mention animals (don't get me started on the ability to THINK and everything that affects!). 

How much more is God doing moment-by-moment? Well, a tree isn't just a painting or a sculpture; it's a living thing with a job that both requires and affects its environment. Its dark green leaves contain chlorophyll so it can absorb the sun's energy to then take in carbon dioxide from the air and water (funneled up from its roots), which it then converts into carbohydrates and oxygen. God created every single piece of this process to work in harmony. He created every plant and animal for a purpose - even if it's sometimes just to be pretty (so far as we know). Each part affects another, creating an ecosystem... of which we also have many different kinds in the world.

Every aspect of our earth is so intricate! There are so many different types of elements, minerals, and rock. The way our earth's crust and core and tectonic plates work together is a larger-scale illustration of His work - not to mention the atmosphere and what keeps our world together. Then there's keeping it on the right path for all our seasons, etc. in our solar system - not to mention the universe! God created and MAINTAINS every atom in the entire universe! The magnitude just blows my mind!

In that grand scheme, I consider myself. I am nothing! And yet... God still created me for His purpose: to make me more like Him and to bring Him glory. God loves me in my insignificance (not despite it!). He made me to glorify Him! THAT is an amazing thing! I am so thankful for the fact He made me insignificant, for a multitude of reasons.

I am not all-wise, all-powerful, all-knowing, or all-present. I wouldn't be even if I were perfect. If I had to control everything (and we didn't even go into thoughts and feelings and human interaction!), the universe would implode in a heartbeat. I don't even have true control over MY next heartbeat. To be able to put all that control into the hands of the Almighty God, the I AM, who is all-wise, all-powerful, all-knowing, all-present, and who loves me so much He bore the ultimate suffering to make a way I could be with Him - despite all the evil I commit against Him... yes... I am thankful for my insignificance, because it means I don't have to worry. Instead, it simply reveals God's amazing power, grace, and love.

How is God revealing His power, grace, and love to you today?

The Fear of the Lord

Job 28:28

"And to man He said, 'Behold, the fear of the Lord, that is wisdom; and to depart from evil is understanding.'"

I think you’ll agree when I say motherhood is a beautiful gift of the Lord - but we don’t always feel that way. Motherhood as a christian demands a diligent, patient, and joyful self-sacrifice day in and day out. When the hundredth question has passed their lips for the third time, while you’re trying to remember: how much flour did I just put in? - and also just remembered you forgot to turn the timer on for something else, and then you hear a crash in the other room from another child… it can get pretty difficult to focus on the hope and grace of an eternal God rather than the circumstances of the present.

And then there are the things we want to do and accomplish. The gifts we want to use, but don’t really have time for. Or the goals and dreams we want to work toward, but end up working toward others’ goals instead. We often mention the rewards of motherhood: the snuggles and smiles, belly laughs and eureka moments, and the times when God has brought about understanding of a key spiritual concept (which we often want at least a little credit for). Yet, in the face of the things I want, and the goals I have, I often struggle with those rewards being enough. Yes, that little hug brings a smile to my face, but what I REALLY want is… fill in the blank. My focus shifts, and I lose my joy.

But that’s the beauty of God’s grace. He knows exactly where we are, and exactly what we need - whether or not that matches up with what we think. He loves us too much to let us have our own way, if it isn’t best. To be completely honest, had it been entirely up to me, I would not have chosen motherhood. Kids never have been my thing. But God doesn’t call the equipped… He equips the called. He has called me to be a mother… and not just for my husband, or my children. He has also called me to be a mother for me. Much as I may not want to admit it sometimes, I need motherhood.

God has been working on me a lot in this - especially in the past couple of weeks. In fact, He’s torn my building from its foundations, shaken it around a bit to get out some of the rotten boards, and then held it midair with me still in it while He’s ripped out and repoured some of my foundations. I might be just to the point where He’s set me back down and begun replacing the missing boards on the new foundation. It’s not the first time He’s done this, and it won’t be the last; I’m sure some of you can relate.

I’m going to share with you a conversation I had with my husband via text. I was brutally honest with him, so it shows exactly what I - and what I think many of us - struggle with, and also shows the truths I need to combat them with.

Me: Sooo… I’m fighting depression and anxiety. Do you know of another Scripture about parenthood/kids being a blessing? I think I don’t believe I’m a good mother, and that I can get better. I’m scared I’m going to screw up my kids. I get overwhelmed by all the things the kids need - mostly for school. I feel like I’m the only driving force behind James getting any work done. And it’s another thing on my plate. I’m a little confused because I think I have the time, but emotionally it’s hard. 

Husband: Don’t forget that it doesn’t all rely on you. All you can do is your best and that’s not enough on its own. Trust that God is the one working in the lives of our kids and that He will accomplish His purpose in them. God doesn’t need you to be a great mother. He wants you to trust and obey Him. He will be the one to work in the kids’ lives. 

Me: How do I deal with not wanting to be a mother?

Husband: Focus on wanting to honor God and bring Him glory through your life. You are serving Him when you are caring for the needs of the kids. 

Me: I’ve been having a hard time with that. I’m being really selfish. Right now I just want to do what I want to do. I know God’s way is better, but I don’t see it. 

Husband: Then you need to ask God to help you repent. Ask Him to help you see how you are idolizing your desires over worshipping him. 

Me: I know I’m idolizing myself - I’m not seeing why He’s better. 

Husband: Then go back to the end of the book of Job. That’s a good reminder that he is God and you are not. 

Me: But that only holds fear, not joy. 

Husband: You need some fear right now. If you don’t see why God is better than you you won’t be able to enjoy him. You can’t have joy without humility.”

As you can see, God used my husband to throw out a number of nuggets, but that last one really hit me. Even in those moments, I understood. I needed to fear God - not the kind that feared punishment, but the kind that recognized His awesome power and might, so I could “Humble [myself] under the mighty hand of God… casting all my anxiety on Him, because He cares for [me].” 1 Peter 5:6-7 

So I did - I opened the book of Job and started reading from chapter 38 through 41. It was a great blessing! It’s not like everything was peaches and cream after that, but it really helped ground me and my emotions. Part of me really wants to quote you the whole passage, because it took reading the entire thing to really drive home how great God is during those moments. However, for the sake of time, I’ll give you a couple highlights that seemed to convey the core of the ideas I needed.

Job 40:8-14 ~ God is speaking and says, “Will you really annul My judgment? Will you condemn Me that you may be justified? Or do you have an arm like God, and can you thunder with a voice like His? Adorn yourself with eminence and dignity, and clothe yourself with honor and majesty. Pour out the overflowings of your anger, and look on everyone who is proud, and make him low. Look on everyone who is proud, and humble him, and tread down the wicked where they stand. Hide them in the dust together; bind them in the hidden place. Then I will also confess to you, that your own right hand can save you.”

Job 41:10-11 ~ God just finished describing the might of Leviathan and says, “No one is so fierce that he dares to arouse him; who then is he that can stand before Me? Who has given to Me that I should repay him? Whatever is under the whole heaven is Mine.”

How’s that for humbling?

So… when I’m struggling with not wanting motherhood because I’m focused on what I’d rather be doing - whether it be using talents or getting rest - my focus needs to shift to recognize how big and great God is. When I bring my focus to bear on the fact that, “the earth is the Lord’s and all it contains…” (Psalm 24:1a), I’m reminded that He’s given me everything I have - including those talents I’m wanting to use. And that rest I can’t seem to get? Does God not have sovereign control over my circumstances? Does He not know best and cause “all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose”? Romans 8:28

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; a good understanding have all those who do His commandments; His praise endures forever.” Psalm 111:10

The fear of the Lord is to focus on Him and all that He is, and to then realize who we are. We have nothing to offer Him, but He has made us His children. Praise God and obey His calling, and He will see to the rest.

A small side note: once I was able to shift my focus to humility, thankfulness, and praise, God showed me something else. He wouldn’t give me talents I couldn’t use in His calling of me to be a mother. So instead of focusing on how much I wanted to use my gifts the way I understood - outside my calling, I need to continue to spend my time considering how I can put my gifts to use within my calling. 

So I leave you with this: motherhood is humbling, and we need to be humbled. Remember that while God called us to this, He doesn’t expect us to do the whole job - He’s working, too. In fact, He’s the driving force enabling our work. He calls us to trust and obey Him - He’ll take care of the rest. 

The snuggles and hugs, and ability to watch them grow are rewarding - but so are the trials for those who choose to follow God, because once God has brought you to the other side, you’ll be stronger, wiser, and more like Christ.

I thank the Lord for the "fear of the Lord," and how He has revealed more to me of how the concept applies to the Christian life. Praise the Lord for His goodness and grace! How can you turn to the fear of the Lord in your circumstances?

Sovereignty and Free Will

As a parent, would you rather your child followed your every whim, or was free to make their own choices? True love wants them to make their own choices… and this is God’s desire for His children. I will never be able to fully reconcile the two inherent truths of our free will and His sovereignty, but God has shown me an inkling in the following perspective.

We as human beings cannot control everything. It’s a basic fact of life and one of the main reasons many of us struggle with anxiety. In many cases, “life” throws us many circumstances that play a huge role in charting our course. Now consider… if God is truly sovereign, then He has control over all things, including those circumstances. One thing that must be understood before we move on is that “…God cannot be tempted by evil, and He Himself does not tempt anyone.” (James 1:13b) God may allow circumstances caused by sin and evil intent, but He Himself hasn’t a shadow of evil in Him. (“…God is Light, and in Him there is no darkness at all.” 1 John 1:5b The context being darkness is sin.) So, if He is sovereign and good, then why does He allow circumstances caused by evil?

Enter the beautiful truth of Romans 8:28-29: “And we know that God causes all thing to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren[.]”

Paul is giving us a rare peek behind the curtain of God’s will, here - and not just any peek, but a look at what lays the foundation for all of God’s will! According to this passage, God’s purpose is that His children would be “conformed to the image of His Son,” or, in other words, that we would think and act like His Son, Jesus Christ. Jesus is part of the Triune God, and as such, lived the example of how we should act and think like Him. (Just like we want our children to be like us!) So if the beginning of that quoted passage is true, then God is using His sovereignty (His power over everything) to work everything to teach us to be more like Christ (please note the distinction to being like Christ rather than being like God; they had very different roles). Even our trials. Even our joys. And make no mistake - Job 42:2 says, “I know that You can do all things, and that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted.”

Just as we don’t control every little thing our child does (and even less as they get older), God does not control us (unless, of course, we engage in the joy of offering ourselves to be used by Him), but rather lets us make our own choices. This is how we learn and grow. And just like our children often make wrong choices, so do God’s children (us). While we may regret a poor choice, God, in His sovereignty, uses it to make us more like Christ! We as parents can sometimes do this, but God, per Romans 8:28, uses all things toward this end. This is another piece of the joy of following Christ: even our failures don’t make us less, but instead God, in His grace, uses them to teach us. God does not want to force us into the image of His Son, He wants us to choose to be like His Son. 

God’s sovereignty enables our free will.

As I said before, this doesn’t fully explain how free will and God’s sovereignty coexist, but it satisfies me enough that I can look at Job 40:2 and 40:8 and bow humbly before His will. God addresses Job in both verses:

Job 40:2

“‘Will the faultfinder [that would be me, too] contend with the Almighty? Let Him who reproves God answer it.’”

Job 40:8

“‘Will you [again… me!] really annul My judgment? Will You condemn Me that you may be justified?’”

Who am I to reprove God and question His judgment? Did I create the earth and its workings? Did I create man and know his very thoughts? Do I really want to serve a God I can fully understand? Would He be God if I could fully understand Him?

I am insignificant and yet, God, in His amazing grace, chooses to work all things for the good of His children (of whom I am one!), and for His glory! These two goals never part. Our good gives Him glory! This isn’t to make it all about us - it’s all about Him! - but to show you the value God has given you as His child. In this lies our worth - not in what we can do for Him. This granted value never changes. It is not raised or lowered by anything you do, and God Himself does not raise or lower it. God loves you with a love so pure, it brought Him to death on a cross. God is so pure, that He rose again, freeing us from the penalty of our sin.

Praise God for His sovereignty! And praise God for granting us free will!

Staying Longer

Philippians 2:8b, 12-13 (with omissions)

"...He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. ... So then, my beloved, just as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure."

Fridays I get to bring my kiddos to meet with another mom or two with their kids in the park for a couple hours. It's a great time for me and the kiddos, because it affords a measure of rest. I get to fellowship with the moms, and the kids get to play. Some interaction is required, naturally, but it's easier than being alone with them at home.

As a mom who deals with chronic pain, works part-time, is in the middle of a house remodel, and cares for two kids four and under, I can see my time with the kids as something to be weathered. I can look toward a day with them and just wonder how I'm going to manage. I can grow anxious about it, or about the length of time things will be this way, and how long I can take it. Yet time and again, the Lord has proven to me His faithfulness.

It isn't about how much I can handle; Christ is the one weaving the world, and He weaves with an eye for the good of His children (some of the strings in the tapestry) and for His glory (the picture it paints). Part of what Christ died for, was to be the atoning sacrifice that we might be granted access to the perfect Holy Spirit. He is the source of our strength. It's about our relationship with Him, learning to recognize our Weakness and turn to Him in faith to see His work accomplished.

I am too weak to deal with all these circumstances, and I have a tendency to make matters worse with my thoughts. Yet Christ is working all things (including these circumstances) for my good, and I can rest in His grace and have faith in His plan. Rest and faith may not seem like strength, but God's strength takes care of the rest from there in order for me to obey His good an perfect will.

Today, not only did I have a reprieve in getting to be with the other moms and kids, but we stayed an extra two hours with them, prolonging the fellowship and break time. God is so good! Some moms might cringe at the consequences of staying longer... but for us, this meant a nap for the 1-year-old right after, and the 4-year-old playing by himself for awhile. Mommy can take her meds, write on the computer while they kick in (yes, that's this part!), then do a chore or two. Daddy might even be home by then!

I praise and thank God for staying longer today. His provision often amazes me even though it "shouldn't." Even on days when His plan includes more obstacles, He always provides the strength (again, often through rest in His grace and faith in His goodness and plan) to deal with them. Praise the Lord!

Easy Baby

1 Corinthians 10:13

"...and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it."

Our daughter is our second child, and I have found her to be much more easy-going than our son was. She's not as quick to wail, doesn't fuss as often, and - with the exception of riding in the car - is just all-around an easy baby. For this, I give thanks to God for His grace. 

I'm not a kid person by nature. I love my children, but I just don't understand how they work. They cannot be reasoned with; logic is not a concept in their magical little three-year-old and three-month-old worlds. There are new things every day, many of which must be taken on faith that they simply do what they do - or even exist. 

("Why, Mommy?" 

"Because that's the way it is," I flounder after the fourth successive why. 

"Peekaboo!" 

My daughter stares up at me with those big cute eyes, wondering where I went.

"I'm still here, Sweet Pea," I explain with a smile.)

My world is so much broader than theirs, and I think that I have lost my sense of simplicity. One thing, however, is simple in my world: God is powerful enough to be sovereign over my life so that anything I face is under His care. I am under His care. 

He knows that I'm not best with kids and has given me the grace of an easy baby alongside the blessing of a not-so-easy three-year-old. The true grace? Even if He had given me a difficult baby, He would also have given me the resources (spiritual or otherwise) to deal with it.

If that truth doesn't comfort an anxious heart, I don't know what would. May I live content in the knowledge of God's sovereignty and grace in my every situation.

Unmerited

Romans 6:23

“For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

If God bestows His gifts - especially salvation - in unmerited grace (pardon the redundancy), then my salvation and the blessing of God’s gifts have nothing to do with me. He doesn’t give them based on my actions or thoughts, how thankful I am or how much faith I have. He gives them based on His will, which is (very generally) to glorify Himself, and to make His children more like Christ.

This is a huge blow to my pride - and I’m glad for it. If it depended on me, then I would be anxious about my inevitable fall, since I know I'm not perfect. Technically, I don’t have to strive to be perfect… but, in experiencing the blessing of God’s grace and love, I will naturally want to worship God, which is done (in part) by my obeisance (and obedience follows). God does not require perfection of me. That would be self-defeating, since, if I were truly perfect, I wouldn’t need His grace. He does, however, command obedience.  

I often struggle with being obedient out of a sense of duty, or even guilt. Duty and guilt are heavy burdens… that have no place in light of God’s grace. “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28) His grace and its bestowal are not based on my obedience. My guilt has no place now that He has set me free from the bondage of sin. Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death.” (Romans 8:1-2)

My obedience, then, should be born of a tremendous thankfulness for the freedom Christ has given me. I owe Him a debt I can never repay, but I will gladly offer myself (whom He paid for) back to Him in worship and obedience. When I find myself slipping from thankfulness to duty, I have to take a good look at where my focus is.

Romans 8:6 says, “For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace.” Is my focus on my flesh, striving for merit and acceptance, when it is already freely given? Or is my mind set on the Spirit, on Christ and what He has done?

Certainly, I am sinful, and the “…wages of sin is death…” BUT, to continue the verse, “…the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 6:23)

Recognizing how degraded (depraved) I am is important, but its usefulness is only found when compared with how righteous God is. In this light, how evil I am just makes God and what He did (and does) for me shine all the brighter in His righteousness. It is so important to train myself to keep my focus on Christ, because the moment I take my eyes off of Him, I am left with myself and my miserable sin. The churning waves of the sea are gigantic when compared to me; I have no power to quell them. But when compared to God, they are minuscule.

I thank God grace is unmerited, because that is how He has set me free. Collect your own list of verses to substantiate that grace is unmerited. Choose one or two to memorize and meditate on. What are the effects of that truth?

You are in Control

Dear Lord,

You know that I have struggled with physical (and - I’ll be honest - emotional) ailments ever since I can remember.  Through that life, I have progressed in my knowledge of what it means that You are in control.  

At first, You were almost like some sort of genie, who had the power to answer my prayers - and would, if they were well-meant.  As time passed, I noticed that You answered “No” to some of my well-meant prayers, meaning that my understanding must be flawed.  Then I learned from 1 John 5:14-15 that, “This is the confidence which we have before Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests which we have asked from Him."  It wasn’t that my prayers should be well-meant, but that they should be in accordance with Your will.

Your will remained a bit nebulous to me.  And in that, I think You began teaching me more about Your sovereignty.  

Romans 8:28-31

“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren; and these whom He predestined, He also called; and these whom He called, He also justified; and these whom He justified, He also glorified.  What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us?”

There are even different facets to chew on in this small passage.  First, I learned You “cause all things to work together” for my good.  This meant two things: You are all-powerful (which I later learned was a part of the meaning of sovereignty), and You are good.  I knew from the beginning You were good, but I don’t think I had truly grasped that You had promised You were good.

Yet, how did this coincide with my pain, both physical and emotional?  If You were good, then why did You allow me to suffer?  Or others, for that matter?  I thought my definition of the word good might have to change in relation to You.

You taught me later that it wasn’t so much my definition of the word good in relation to You, as my perspective on what was good.  Continuing in that passage, it says that Your purpose for us is “to become conformed to the image of [Your] Son…”.  I had glossed over that previously because I hadn’t really understood what it meant.  It means You are teaching us to be more like Your Son - like Christ - and that this is the good You intend for us.  Your personal goodness is related to this purpose, but it is not completely defined by it.

Your goodness is exemplified in the grace and mercy You bestow upon us.  Those can also be difficult concepts to grasp the full impact of, at times.  Romans 5:8 sums it up (to a degree): “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”

Even before I turned to You, You chose to die for me; to take my sins upon You and to pay the penalty for them.  In fact, I turned to You because You loved me enough to do this.  I had no personal merit that caused You to choose me, it was simply Your good will.  You freed me, once and for all.  I still choose to follow the will of my flesh - my sin - at times, and each and every one of those sins was paid for in the sacrifice of Your Son.  

Yet, Your mercy and grace don’t stop there. You teach me every day, and give me the power through Your Holy Spirit, to live like Your Son lived.  To serve You as Your Son served You.  You made me one of Your children, and as such, a “fellow heir with Christ…”.  This is part of why it is so important that I become more like Christ.

As You continued Your teaching to me in the Romans passage above, I more fully understood the meaning of, “If God is for us, who is against us?”  You used Philippians 1:18c-20 to help flesh it out a bit, and this is where the post “Victory” came from.

Philippians 1:18c-20

“Yes, and I will rejoice, for I know that this will turn out for my deliverance through your prayers and the provision of the Spirit of Jesus Christ, according to my earnest expectation and hope, that I will not be put to shame in anything, but that with all boldness, Christ will even now, as always, be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death.”

Whether I live or die, or whatever I do, You will see Yourself glorified, and You use that same power, as You say in Romans, for the good of Your children (of which I am one).  If You possess that kind of victory, then Yes!  Who can be against us?!

So to bring it back to my pain.  If you cause all things to work together for Your glory and the good of Your children, then my pain is for my good (and likely the good of others of Your children), and also for Your glory.  So… pain isn’t so bad as I thought it was.  Why was I so afraid of pain?  Yes, it hurts, but if You ultimately possess the victory, then why should I be afraid of anything but You?

In my twenty-ninth year (thank you, grandpa, for educating me I was in my twenty-ninth year, though I’m only twenty-eight), I face the unknown of the possibility of being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis.  You know my aunt died of this.  As I look at this possibility, I am confronted by the fact You are in control.  This trial of pain hasn’t changed, because Your purpose for it is still the same:  to make Your glory known, and to conform me to the image of Your Son - which is to my good.

So, to make a long story short, Lord, I am thankful You are in control.  No one can stand against You and “win.”  Not sin, not pain, not death, not Satan.  You will have the victory.  And I have chosen - through the faith You empowered me with - to join You, for which, You made me a fellow heir with none other than Your only begotten Son!  

How amazing is Your love?!

Reminder Alarms

Dear Lord,

Thank You for the suggestion from my brother-in-law today to set a reminder alarm on my phone so that I wouldn’t forget to pick up the yarn I had accidentally left at the church.  I usually forget about this simple, yet effective way to “assure” (my short-term memory can be… impressive) that I remember something.  Of course, then there’s the fact that I have to remember to put it into my phone, too… so thank You for the reminder from my brother-in-law that reminded me to remember… well, You know what I mean.

To some extent, I am trying to work on my memory so that I do remember things like that.  The trick doesn’t seem to be so much that I don’t remember, as that I don’t remember at the right time.  Instead, I remember while I’m busy with something else, and when I can attend to whatever it may be that I needed to remember, it doesn’t cross my mind.  Sometimes I wonder if that isn’t some small piece of Your humor… I certainly see a little humor in it.

In any case, I do thank You for reminder alarms, that there is a tool I can use to remember the important things at the right time (which is why snooze is also a wonderful thing).  I would also much appreciate it if You would help me to remember to use it.  Thank You!

In Jesus’ Name, amen.

Spiders

Dear Lord,

I have a strange, unwarranted, yet persistent fear of spiders.  So spiders are not something that I appreciate in my house as a general rule.  I have a contract with them… they’re fine outside (unless poisonous), but if they step into my house, they die.  Unfortunately, Your creations appear unaware of this contract.  

This is my first night without my husband for awhile (away on work business - yay for a job!), and my toddler is sleeping.  I had just gotten out of the shower and moved my backpack to snatch my computer and a rather large spider scurried away from beneath it.  Now why is it that my first reaction when my husband is here is to kill it (okay… maybe I step back and let him deal with it if I don’t have anything particularly handy…), and yet the first thing I did now that he’s away was to back away, allowing it to escape?  In. My. House.  Next to my bed even…

Yet, as I think about that rather large spider, (while I’m here on my bed) I find myself smiling.  It is Your creature, after all.  And while it is in a breach of contract, and I don’t particularly enjoy the idea of it in my bedroom, I do enjoy the knowledge that You are in total control of it.  That’s not to say You wouldn’t let it bite me… but if You were to allow that, it would be to my benefit.  And that, my Lord, is something to smile about.

So I thank You for spiders, Lord.  That You are in control of them, and that I don’t have to worry about them, because both they and I are in Your hands.  Thank You that You are truly God, sovereign over all, and that You used a spider to make me smile.

In Jesus’ Name, amen.

The Tree Surgeon

Dear Lord,

When I woke up in the morning to the sounds of a large machine, I assumed it was the trash truck that my son so loves to watch.  Upon further investigation, however, my husband and I realized that it was “The Tree Surgeon” with his cherry picker and wood chipper.  As You know, we’ve had a tree in the front yard that has needed trimming for some time, but haven’t really had the money to pay someone to come out.  Thank You that my husband decided to ask the man for an estimate.

As we prepare to sell our home within the next year, we have a number of items on the list, and, of course, only so much money to do it all.  Thank You that You not only brought “The Tree Surgeon” into our area so that we didn’t have to pay the hefty fuel charge, but that he was also a believer, and cut us a deal.  You even provided for another item on our list in the wood chips that he sold us - also at a discounted price.  Only You could have worked that out so perfectly, Lord, and we are so thankful!

In Jesus’ Name, amen.

Songs of Praise

Dear Lord,

Thank You that we can praise You in song.  Songs can be used as a great instrument to help bring us back to Your truths.  Whether it's song made directly from Scripture, or something that focuses on Your awesome and loving character, songs of praise can help me shift my focus from myself and my circumstances to You.  No matter my circumstances, You are in control of them, and working “…all things together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28)

Thank You that I don’t have to focus on myself, on my sin, and on my worries.  You are much greater than I and worthy of praise, You paid the price for my sin and it is finished, and I can cast all my worries on You, because You care for me.  Thank You, thank You, thank You, my Lord.  Thank You that You renew my mind in Your truth.

In Jesus’ Name, amen.

My Portion

Lamentations 3:24

“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
“Therefore I have hope in Him.”

Dear Lord,

I have seen this phrase in a few places in Scripture:  “The Lord is my portion.”  I have considered its meaning, and while I am not certain of its whole meaning, I know what it means to me.  You have been given to me - or more precisely, You have given Yourself to me.  Not in the sense that I am Your master, by any means, but in the sense that not only do You love me, but You have given me Yourself to draw upon to be my strength, my shield, my Savior, and my friend.  You are everything.

You are my portion.  You are all that I could ever need, because You will use any and all of Your resources (that thought sends me into awe!) on my behalf.  You are always working to conform me to the image of Your Son, and that I might shine Your glory.  We so often seem to think that being conformed to the image of Your Son is “no fun.”  How wrong is the thought!  Every moment spent with You is a moment of Joy!  To be the recipient of Your love is a delight and peace beyond words.  

I pray that You would keep me in the perspective of You as my portion.  That thought still makes me shiver.  How vast must be my portion!  Beyond imagining.  I think the most awesome thing about it is that You do this for each of Your children.  You are not “thinned” by lavishing Your love; You are boundless, limitless, and Your resources are infinite.  You. Are. Amazing!  And I beam with delight as I love You.  Thank You, Lord!

In Jesus’ Name, amen.

Finding a Doctor

Dear Lord,

Thank You that I finally found a doctor who will take my insurance.  I knew You were in control during the search, but I must admit, I was getting a bit discouraged after having called nearly ten different doctors listed on my insurance website who did not, in fact, take it.  Thank You that You are in control.  Thank You, too, that the doctor is also one who has a good reputation.  That’s always comforting to know.

I praise You that You always take care of me with my good (to be conformed to Your image) and Your glory in mind. (Romans 8:28-31)  Thank You for Your goodness.

In Jesus’ Name, amen.

Possibilities

Dear Lord,

Thank You for possibilities.  As my husband is a couple weeks from finishing his Associates degree and looking for work, You have placed two interesting job possibilities before us.  One would be a substantial increase in our income, allow us to move sooner rather than later, and open a whole world of possibilities.  We don’t want to get too excited, since You haven’t actually given the job to him (yet?), but the Anticipation and thoughts this has aroused have been very fun!

Thank You, Lord, for how You use possibilities.  As I try to keep my hope and thoughts fixed on You, it has been fun to consider what we might do with the extra income.  Initially, of course, the thought was simply, “MOVE!” as one of our foremost desires is to move into town and cut down my forty-five minute drive to work (among other pluses).  Yet that would also mean that we could invest, I could cut back on work if needed, we could increase the amount we could put toward Christmas and birthdays, etc… and a plethora of other things, like hobbies.  

However, as my husband and I considered what You would have us do with the extra money, and that it would be Your money, we realized that our home purchase could be geared toward the ability to entertain others - a dream You’ve given us in the past, but that our location has hindered.  We could give more to our church’s building campaign.  We could give to our friends and others in need.  Certainly, we don’t think You’ve called us to give it all away, as our first God-given responsibility is to care for our family, but it’s exciting to think how You can use the money, and how we can align our desires with Yours.

It also got me thinking about some of my considerations of mini-business ventures, and what my motivation was behind them.  To some degree, I associated them with my hobbies, and thus they would also be a bit of fun, but the main reason that I even considered them was that I felt the pressure of supplementing our income.  I had given it a considerable amount of thought under that pressure.  Those ideas weren’t bad, but my motivation was not entirely pure, or reasoned out.  Thank You for using this job possibility as a way to reveal that to me.

And so, though I do pray that this job possibility would become a reality in Your will, I am thankful for it, even if You don’t give it to my husband.  We don’t want to do something outside of Your will, anyway.  Thank You, Lord, that You use everything!

In Jesus’ Name, amen.

Dwelling

Philippians 4:8

“Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.”

Dear Lord,

Thank You for dwelling.  To be able to dwell on Your good gifts is such a blessing.  It takes my mind off of the bad things and helps me to look to You.  If I choose to dwell with a specific focus on You, it’s even better, because You overcome my feelings (even if not until later) and fill me with the joy of Your presence.  Thank You for the peace of knowing You.  Thank You for all that You have given us in Your Word upon which to dwell.  I pray that I would honor You and keep You on the throne of my heart, by keeping my thoughts centered on You.

In Jesus’ Name, amen.

Comp Time

Dear Lord,

Thank You that my job is flexible to allow me to make up or build up extra hours to cover lost hours or go home early.  It has been a blessing that alleviates a bit of the concern about earning enough money each month.  You work in so many ways and through so many things, and I have felt Your care through the ability to accrue “comp time.”

Lord, thank You so much for my job as a secretary for our church.  It is such a blessing in so many ways.  I pray for Your wisdom as we look to the future, and I pray for Your blessing on the people of our church.  May we continue to shine Your light.

In Jesus’ Name, amen.

Memorization

Psalm 119:105

“Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.”

Psalm 119:11

“Your word I have treasured in my heart, that I may not sin against You.”

Dear Lord,

Thank You that You teach us through Your Word, and that we can memorize it to mull it over throughout the day.  You have been cultivating a greater respect in my heart for the memorization of Scripture, and I have already seen some results.  If there is one thing that You have taught me in this walk with You, it’s that the best thing that I can do is to focus on You throughout the day.  Memorization aids this immensely, if I intentionally use the Scripture that I have memorized to meditate on You.

It’s exciting to come up with questions as I meditate on You.  Questions that I can research in Your Word, or ask through other people who have researched Your Word.  That curiosity is one of the ways in which I can keep my love for You real.  Thank You for that.  I pray that You continue to impress the importance of memorization on my wandering heart, and that I continue in the discipline.

In Jesus’ Name, amen.

Weekly Impressions - I Just Wish...

I just wish… I just want… if only… these seem to be my greatest adversaries at the moment.  The thought is not sinful in and of itself, but to dwell in a place of wishes, wants, and ifs can be.  It is the trickiest of the paths that lead me to the pit of depression.

I just wish that the trim and finishing touches were all complete on my house.  I just want to spend more time with my husband.  If only I lived closer to town.  These subjects are probably my three most dangerous areas of thought right now.

I am thankful that God has brought me to recognize when I begin to look down into that pit, rather than once I am in its depths.  However, even when looking down into it, I can find it difficult to turn away.  It is, of course, all about my focus.

It is fun to dream and to think of what one could or would do with this or that.  Too much focus on that, however, begins to pull God off of the throne of my heart.  The more I wish it, the less I wish to remain under God’s sovereign will, and the less trust I place in His sovereign will.  The more I wish it, the more I begin to say, “I know better than God,” and even “Either God isn’t sovereign, or He doesn’t know best.”

Proverbs 3:5 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.”

God really does know best.  He has a personal relationship with each of His children and works all things for the good of His children according to His purpose:  to make us more like Christ (Romans 8:28-30).  That may mean pain… change often does.

Pain itself is not a bad thing.

I can’t stress that enough.  It seems that pain - whether emotional or physical - is what our society fears the most, and yet, pain is often the very thing that God uses to conform us to the image of His Son.  Pain is nothing more than God’s tool.  I don’t have to fear it - “Do not fear those who kill the body but are unable to kill the soul; but rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.” (Matthew 10:28)

When I wish for something, I must also remember that God is in control.  I can “…make my request known to God.” (Philippians 4:6)  He is the One who saved me from Death, and He is the One who gives me joy in this life.  He has forgiven me all my transgressions, and “…there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” (Romans 8:1)  None.

I respect Him, I fear Him, I love Him, and He loves me enough to make me more like His Son.  He is all-knowing, all-powerful, and everywhere; I have nothing else to fear in the midst of His perfect love (1 John 4:18).