Drawing Near

Psalm 119:25-29, 31-32

"My soul cleaves to the dust; Revive me according to Your word. I have told of my ways, and You have answered me; Teach me Your statutes. Make me understand the way of Your precepts, So I will meditate on Your wonders. My soul weeps because of grief; Strengthen me according to Your word. Remove the false way from me, And graciously grant me Your law... I cling to Your testimonies; O LORD, do not put me to shame! I shall run the way of Your commandments, For You will enlarge my heart."

Day to day I find myself striving. I want to be more; I want to be better. I want to watch myself ascend a ladder of continual progression, and when I see that imaginary tick mark drop, I struggle. Perhaps you can relate.

The verses above really struck me with a point God has been repeating to me of late. I can't do it. Nothing I do will make me worth more, and none of my progress on that ladder is a result of my efforts. I've been focused on the wrong thing: myself. The way to become "better" is not to focus on myself and how I can be better, but to draw near to God and to meditate on Him and His living Word.

The verses above (and throughout Psalm 119) ask God to be the source behind everything the author asks. "Revive me," has been a plea of my own heart lately. How can I be revived? "...[A]ccording to Your Word." (Psalm 119:25) "I have told You of my ways, and You have answered me; Teach me Your statutes." (Psalm 119:26, emphasis added.) I'm no Bible scholar, but I see "You have answered me" and I think of Job 38-42, when God answered Job, pointing him to the greatness of God and His power. In view of that greatness, God, teach me Your statutes! Each verse in Psalm 119 is such a great picture of the value of God's Word and what we should do with it. For all this worth, I cling to His Word and will follow it because God will enlarge my heart. Anything I do is because of Him!

It's not about being better, or more, or enough; it's about drawing near to God. He knows everything about me - all my failures, all my problems, my every thought - and still, He loves me. (Not because He sees something special in me; anything special in me is a direct result of His creation.) If I can't be comfortable with a God who knows everything about me and still loves me, it's because I'm prideful; I want to be able to do it in my own strength, which would bring glory to me instead of Him. Christ died to purify me so I can be in God's presence continually - so I can draw near to Him!

God, thank You for Your grace to grant me the power and means to cling to Your Word, thus renewing my mind and drawing near to You. Enlarge my heart as I dwell on Your Word, that I might draw near to You and glorify You as a result. Thank You that becoming better is all about drawing near to You, which results in You changing my delights and desires to follow, obey, and ultimately glorify You.

Philippians 1:6

"For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus."

A "Perfect" Day

Ecclesiastes 8:15

"So I commended pleasure, for there is nothing good for a man under the sun than to eat and to drink and to be merry, and this will stand by him in his toils throughout the days of his life which God has given him under the sun."

This last day, my husband and I celebrated our twelfth anniversary. We did several of our favorite things: ate breakfast at our favorite breakfast place; listened to our audiobook while watching the waves and (I) knitted; window shopped along the Embarcadero in Morro Bay; ate dinner at our favorite restaurant in San Luis; stayed at our favorite hotel and soaked in the mineral hot tub; watched a movie; and ate my favorite dessert (brought from that favorite restaurant). I can't help but feel so thankful for all of this, and so blessed by God's grace. To have the time, childcare, and financial provision to make this happen is no small feat, and to top it off, I've barely felt any pain today!

I cannot describe how wonderful and satisfying it feels to enjoy all these things knowing it is at the behest of my Creator, who owes me nothing. Much as I have admittedly been stressing out lately in the trenches of daily life, it almost feels too good to be true to have had this "perfect" day. Yet here His gift stands. I appreciate these things all the more because of my recent trials... which makes me thankful for not only for the "perfect" day, but for the trials, too.

The verse above puts a more eternal perspective on things for me. This recent "eating, drinking, and being merry" can serve as a great reminder of God's grace during the coming toils... and it can also serve as a reminder that the good things of this earth pale in comparison to what it will be like with our Heavenly Father after His return.

Until then, we have an even greater joy than in the eating and drinking and making merry in a "perfect" day. Psalm 16:11: "You will make known to me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; in Your right hand there are pleasures forever." Even a "perfect" day is enhanced by the joy of the Lord!

Sufficient Grace

2 Corinthians 12:9

"And He has said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.' Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me."

We all go through difficult times. In fact, the Bible makes no bones about the fact we will suffer. But the amazing thing? God not only uses that suffering to perfect us, but also gives us His grace and power - sufficient for each moment - to live, and to live for Him.

I have a lot going on right now. We all know the place, whatever it may look like for you. Excluding my hobbies and other goals, I'm struggling with an unknown chronic pain, am a homeschooling mom of two children (five and two) who works two days a week, and am in escrow on my old home while renovating my new one. (It sounds to me like so much less all summed up!) Yet in the midst of those moments of pain in the night, moments of frustration learning to teach, moments of indecision and realizing what won't be done in time, moments of exhaustion through it all, God is with me.

I may not know the specific reason for any given trial, but I can rest in Romans 8:28-29, James 1:2-4, and 2 Corinthians 12:9.

Romans 8:28-29

"And we know that God causes all things to work for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren..."

James 1:2-4

"Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

2 Corinthians 12:9

"And He has said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.' Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me."

God is working all things for my good and His glory, perfecting me among my trials to be more like Him, and He is right there with me among them - in my weakness. Whether my weakness is the physical pain, the emotional frustration, the mental anxiety, or exhaustion as a whole, God will rise to the "challenge" when I rely on Him. When I shift my focus to realize I can't do it - and don't want to do without Him even if I could - I see the whole world differently. It isn't about what I can or can't do, it's about what God is doing.

God doesn't send the evil in this world, but He isn't powerless about it, either. My physical pain is a result of sin, but God is using it to teach me how to be weak. I don't do that very well. It seems to be my personal 2 Corinthians 12:7 "thorn in the flesh... to keep me from exalting myself." Rather, as I boast about what God is doing in my weakness, then He gets the glory, and I learn to be more like Christ.

Is it easy? No. Does remembering the above make it easier to deal with? Yes. Our suffering is not in vain, friend! Remind yourself of God's promises and granted power - be thankful for them. Rely on Him in humble prayer and He will keep you. Live in His keeping and rejoice!

Staying Longer

Philippians 2:8b, 12-13 (with omissions)

"...He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. ... So then, my beloved, just as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure."

Fridays I get to bring my kiddos to meet with another mom or two with their kids in the park for a couple hours. It's a great time for me and the kiddos, because it affords a measure of rest. I get to fellowship with the moms, and the kids get to play. Some interaction is required, naturally, but it's easier than being alone with them at home.

As a mom who deals with chronic pain, works part-time, is in the middle of a house remodel, and cares for two kids four and under, I can see my time with the kids as something to be weathered. I can look toward a day with them and just wonder how I'm going to manage. I can grow anxious about it, or about the length of time things will be this way, and how long I can take it. Yet time and again, the Lord has proven to me His faithfulness.

It isn't about how much I can handle; Christ is the one weaving the world, and He weaves with an eye for the good of His children (some of the strings in the tapestry) and for His glory (the picture it paints). Part of what Christ died for, was to be the atoning sacrifice that we might be granted access to the perfect Holy Spirit. He is the source of our strength. It's about our relationship with Him, learning to recognize our Weakness and turn to Him in faith to see His work accomplished.

I am too weak to deal with all these circumstances, and I have a tendency to make matters worse with my thoughts. Yet Christ is working all things (including these circumstances) for my good, and I can rest in His grace and have faith in His plan. Rest and faith may not seem like strength, but God's strength takes care of the rest from there in order for me to obey His good an perfect will.

Today, not only did I have a reprieve in getting to be with the other moms and kids, but we stayed an extra two hours with them, prolonging the fellowship and break time. God is so good! Some moms might cringe at the consequences of staying longer... but for us, this meant a nap for the 1-year-old right after, and the 4-year-old playing by himself for awhile. Mommy can take her meds, write on the computer while they kick in (yes, that's this part!), then do a chore or two. Daddy might even be home by then!

I praise and thank God for staying longer today. His provision often amazes me even though it "shouldn't." Even on days when His plan includes more obstacles, He always provides the strength (again, often through rest in His grace and faith in His goodness and plan) to deal with them. Praise the Lord!

Hope in Christ

1 Peter 1:13

"Therefore, prepare your minds for action, keep sober in spirit, fix your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ."

This world is full of things we hope for. 

My husband and I are currently preparing our house to sell - it's a lot of work, and the list continues to grow. We were hoping to be done by the end of May... and then the end of June... and now we're just trusting the Lord for His timing as to when it will be completed. 

I've struggled with chronic pain since I was about nine years old. I've been through so many ups and downs with hoping doctors could determine what the issue was in order to treat it. I've tried so many supplements and ideas, it's exhausting. With each new idea, it's tempting to raise my hopes of healing, only to be disappointed and depressed.

Yet the things of this world are not where our hope truly lies. When the Bible talks about hope, it doesn't use or describe it as something we desire will happen. It's something we know and expect will happen. Hope is a result of faith.

If I "...fix [my] hope completely on the grace to be brought to [me] at the revelation of Jesus Christ" it totally changes my perspective. My hope is not in getting the house sold by the end of this month - the house selling has little consequence in the face of the day Christ declares me His righteous daughter. My hope is not in healing my chronic pain - God's sovereign grace is over my chronic pain, and He uses it as a tool to mold me into the image of His Son (Romans 8:29) and to grow my relationship with Him. 

I may wish for things here on earth, but I'm so thankful to hope in Christ. I don't have to be depressed by disappointed hope in timelines or suffering. All is in God's hands. His unchanging grace, love, and purpose for me are a rock to stand on, a refuge of protection, and a stronghold in our spiritual battle. Wishes and desires come and go, but God is the I AM. 

Our Daughter's Demeanor

1 Corinthians 10:13

"No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it."

The newest addition to our family, our easy-going daughter, has been nicknamed Sunshine. She is full of smiles, amazingly patient, and all around good-natured. When most kids would be bored to tears, she is patiently waiting and watching. That is her favorite thing to do: people watch. She is thoroughly entertained by this activity and it is adorable to watch. One little smile from Sunshine can turn the low tide blues of my moment to a sunny high tide on the beach.

When I meditate on the verse above, it is useful to remember that no sin I have committed is new. While my situation may be unique, all men (which, of course, means women, too) have encountered the temptation within the situation. I am not alone in my sin - others do understand those temptations. Yet God - our gracious, sovereign, loving Father - will always provide the way of escape. He will always give us a way to choose not to sin.

Sometimes, I think He uses our daughter's demeanor as my way of escape. Her sudden broad smile, her random dance break-outs, her excited sounds, and infectious giggles can all remind me of God's grace in my current situation. Just remembering His grace helps me to choose more wisely - to take a step back and look at the situation through His eyes (if I do so choose). I struggle with the temptation - and often fail - but that sweet little demeanor often stops my thought process just long enough to recognize the choice of what I do next.

I thank God for this reminder of His grace in our daughter's demeanor.

No Option

Proverbs 3:5-6

"Trust the Lord your God with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight."

There are times in life when we realize there is no other option but to keep going. No one else can swoop in and rescue you and you're just going to have to pick yourself up and keep moving - whether for your sake, the sake of your children, family, or friends. It may sound a bit strange to be thankful for this, but perhaps it makes sense to those who have been there. You see, once in that place of no option, even depression isn't an option, because you can't keep going if you're depressed. The only option is to keep moving, keep relying on the strength God always provides, keep praying, keep taking the next step. Determination - and sometimes desperation - drive you onward with your head focused only straight ahead on what must be done. 

I may not know how things will turn out, or even the step after the one I'm taking right now, but God does, and I can take comfort from that. I have to focus on what is true, and what the Lord requires of me. It reminds me of Proverbs 4:25-27: "Let your eyes look directly ahead and let your gaze be fixed straight in front of you. Watch the path of your feet and all your ways will be established. Do not turn to the right nor to the left; turn your foot from evil."

I must keep my gaze straight ahead on God's truth and trust Him with all my heart, as it says in Proverbs 3:5, and "In all your ways acknowledge Him" (Proverbs 3:6a). I must keep the knowledge of His presence and His work at the fore of my mind to remember my humble place, and be thankful. Lately, I have felt "tested" or even "attacked" in most areas of my life. It is difficult to keep my eyes fixed ahead on the "prize of the upward call" (Philippians 3:14), but if I turn my head toward complaint, I turn it away from Christ - away from hope - and suddenly I seem more important than those around me. I become bigger than even God's will... and while that fool's gold is tempting, if I look closer I can see that fake glitter is anxiety born of a desire to impose my own will upon the world - as if I were as powerful and knowing and wise as God.

Yes, I am thankful for those times when I recognize there is no other option. It is during these times that Christ truly grips me and moves me forward. It is, amazingly, His grace - His unmerited favor - to me to allow these trials in my life. It isn't easy by any means, but most things of worth aren't. Thank you, Lord, for your strength to continue, and please keep flicking my head forward when I glance away, so I focus on You. You are my true joy.

Beyond the Trial

Proverbs 31:25

"Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future."

Before a known upcoming trial, I often struggle to smile at the future. It is, of course, much easier after the fact. I am thankful for the Lord's grace when I am between multiple trials of the same kind and am able to smile at the next one.

Ordinarily, I take the night shift with my four-month-old, but my husband will spell me if she won't go back to sleep. Not so, lately, as he has been needed more at work and church. Also, My babysitting is out of commission for the next four weeks due to surgery or vacation; my best friend is leaving; and I just had to bow out of a weekly game that I was planning to enjoy with my friends. All of this leaves me home alone with the kiddos without much way to get out or have me time. I am between these trials, looking at the future.

Through God's grace, I am smiling.

Not because I am looking forward to the trial, but because of where my focus is. God will see me through it. He has seen me through past trials and He will see me through this coming trial. God is faithful.

Each trial He allows in my life leaves me with more knowledge about how to deal with the next one in a way that would glorify God. Looking back, I remember the feelings of dread upon looking toward the future of more time without my hubby and with my little kiddos alone. The actual occurrence wasn't even as rough as I thought it would be.  I knew my focus was in the wrong place at the time, but I still found it hard to shift. 

Now, after a few of those trials, I have some "proof" of God's ability to get me through, with which I can soothe and turn my feelings. It is easier to see His light in their midst, to see what He has taught me through the trial, and to look ahead at more without dread. So, even though I wasn't thinking of what I should have been in the moment, God, in His grace, gave me "proof" of why I should shift my focus. And, for now, at least, I am smiling. (I'm still working on the strength and dignity part. It's a learning experience!)

What are you struggling with today? Has God proven His reliability to you? Can you use that to help you shift your focus - whether you're looking at this moment or the future?

To Approach Your Throne

Hebrews 4:16

"Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."

Thank You, Lord, that I can approach Your throne with confidence, that I may make my requests known to You without the guilt of my sins looming or keeping me from You.

You lost Your Son to agony for a time so that my sins would be erased - and even such a weight of sin was no match for Your power. Your Son rose again to advocate for me and allow me in Your presence. Your comforting, loving, humbling, majestic and awesome presence. Thank You for that amazing grace.

I often forget what a privilege it is to approach Your throne, or even that my prayers and requests are presented to the Almighty God, Maker of Heaven and Earth. You gave me Your relationship, and its worth is beyond all my imagining. Make me mindful of the privilege, but also the confidence of Your welcome, as well as the power of Your love to grant our requests according to Your will, which is simultaneously Your glory and our good.

The End of Myself

2 Corinthians 12:9

"And He has said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.' Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me."

Whether by circumstances or even my own attitude, I find it is God's grace that I come to the end of myself. Motherhood is no picnic, and I often find myself so frustrated, stressed, anxious, weary, or depressed that I just want to give up. It is there - in that weakness - that My God stretches me and molds me to make me stronger and more like Christ, His Son.

I am beginning to realize it isn't just about relying on God; I still come to the end of myself. Rather, coming to the end of myself is not bad, but something that must occur before I can truly live in God's strength. I don't have to get frustrated, etc. to come to the end of myself and reach that strength. Instead, I should purpose to go straight to the end of myself - to my weakness and His strength - from the beginning. 

Before I come to the end of myself, I rely on my plan, my physical strength, or my talents. Living in God's strength requires looking ahead at eternity, recognizing my humble position under God, and being ready for whatever way He would have this task accomplished. Certainly, I should have a plan, but I shouldn't rely on it. I shouldn't place my hope or my emotional balance on it. That just ruins my contentment if God has a different (and thus, better) plan for me. How tragic!

My God is greater than I, His power beyond my imagining. This is His world I live in; how can I hope to navigate it in my own strength?  Why would I want to?

I thank God for the end of myself, for the place where I live in my humble Weakness and the Victory of His strength. 

The Thought of Eternity

1 Peter 1:13

“Therefore, prepare your minds for action, keep sober in spirit, fix your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.”

As I try to soothe my 7-week-old daughter, I find myself searching for a way to live out Your joy. It is so easy to succumb to anxiety and stress in the face of her fussy cry, especially when compounded by pressing chores like dinner, or my 3-year-old son's need for attention. Now I perform the mother's nighttime dance of sway-bounce-pat as I spin a slow circle in my three-foot space, humming a made-up lullaby with her swaddled against my chest. Thankfully, it soothes her, but only so long as I continue; no going to sleep for Mama. 

It reminds me of a similar situation with my first baby. I held my son late at night as he screamed, and I found solace in Colossians 3:24b: "It is the Lord Christ whom you serve." I knew that my job was to serve God, which, at that moment, meant serving my son. All I could really do for him was hold him. And that was enough. God expected no more and no less of me. That I was fulfilling my purpose in that moment brought me a peace that, in turn, brought me a certain joy - even through his screams (and Mamas, you know that's saying something!).

In tonight's situation, God has added another of His truths to the solace of that verse in Colossians: the thought of eternity. 1 Peter is saturated with this theme. I can remember a fascinated awe at Peter's ability to stay his mind on the thought of eternity as I studied the first chapter. How could I live with a constant eye toward eternity?

I have struggled with - and asked God for - the answer to that question. Each moment seems to have a different answer or application. I have felt overwhelmed at the magnitude of different moments, let alone trying to apply the principle to each. I had to smile tonight as an application occurred to me.

You see, I'm musically oriented, and as I hummed my made-up lullaby to my daughter, there were pieces of it that I thought would be good enough to save and create an actual song from. Yet, right at that moment, I couldn't record it, or my daughter's soothing would be disrupted. I certainly wouldn't be able to remember it, so the tune would be lost.

Ordinarily, this would be a cause of frustration for me, since it's one more thing to put on hold while I care for my children. One more thing lost. Yet, with my mind on serving Christ instead of myself, and with the thought of eternity in mind, instead of frustration, I felt peace. Perhaps I won't get to it today, but God isn't calling me to write a song in this moment; this moment is my daughter's.

I have eternity to honor Christ with my voice and my songs. I am not my intended audience, and as my daughter slept restlessly in my arms, neither was she. I sang for God. And God heard it that moment. So I smiled with the joy of the Lord, knowing that capturing a song didn't matter, because it served its intended purpose as a sweet sound in God's ear. It was not, in fact, lost.

What skills do you have with which to serve Him? Are you letting the skill take precedence, or are you keeping it under the grace of eternity? God's grace allows me not only the joy of serving Him, but an eternity in which to do it. He hears me, sees me, knows me now, in this very moment - and I have an eternity to hone my skills for Him. What a blessing is the hope of what He has for us when He returns!

All-Pervasive Grace

Romans 11:36

“For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be the glory forever. Amen.”

God’s grace manifests itself in an infinite number of ways. One reason I have loved this thankful exercise, is because it has helped open my eyes to those many ways. With each thankful thing, I find another manifestation of His grace.

We often fall into the idea that the universe revolves around us. For example, if “…God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God…” (Romans 8:28) and I am one of those, then all things are for me, right? Not exactly. It’s more of an indirect thing. As it says in Romans 11:36, “…from Him and through Him and to Him are all things.” Everything is about God. It is to His glory and by His grace that He chooses to work all those things for our good.

I’ve had trouble lately staying thankful, as I now have a newborn and have been trying to care for her, my three-year-old son, myself, and my husband. It isn’t an easy transition, as mothers will tell you. I have to keep reminding myself each circumstance is by the grace of God. Yes, the baby’s crying, my son is whining, I need to go to the bathroom, and somehow manage to cook dinner. It is all to God’s glory as He uses this to stretch me, and that is His unmerited favor - His grace.

May I “rejoice always; pray without ceasing; [and] in everything give thanks…” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18a) because I know He is working all things for the good of His children.

Unceasing Prayer

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

“Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

Lord, 

I wonder at Your love.  I am struck by the magnitude of what You have done for us, even as we essentially spit back at You, holding ourselves as idols, rather than ascribing You the glory that You deserve.  I run to Your loving arms in weakness, only to turn back, say, “Thanks for the refill!” and sever my line to You.  I run back into the world with my own agenda, following my own desires.  Help me to recognize my self-focus - my pride - more clearly.  The moment I take my eyes off of you, I place them on myself or some other idol.  

Thank You that when I pray to You, it helps me to not only practice Your presence, but also to keep my eyes upon You.  I may pray with my own selfish desires, but You provide even for that, in “translating,” if you will, through Your Holy Spirit.  Your Holy Spirit takes my selfish prayers and relates to You what I really need.  (Romans 8:26)  Thank You, too, for Answering those Prayers.

Thank You, Lord, for the grace that You bestow upon Your children in the gift of the ability to pray without ceasing.  You are always there listening, and always working on behalf of our good and Your glory (Romans 8:28).  Thank You for this invaluable tool to help us keep our focus on You.  Help me to use it, Lord, truly unceasingly.  I don’t take advantage nearly often enough, and yet it is a part of Your will for me - yet another tool You have graced us with to help us follow You.

Teach me to look first to Your will, to check in with You, to dialogue with You, to check my thinking constantly against Your Word.  To always be thinking of You, to always be praying to You.  In moments of victory and moments of weakness; in difficult and contented times, let my focus and my hope be ever fixed upon You.

In Jesus’ Name, amen.

Attitude

2 Peter 1:5-11

“Now for this very reason also, applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge, and in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance, godliness, and in your godliness, brotherly kindness, and in your brotherly kindness, love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they render you neither useless nor unfruitful in the true knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For he who lacks these qualities is blind or short-sighted, having forgotten his purification from his former sins. Therefore, brethren, be all the more diligent to make certain about His calling and choosing you; for as long as you practice these things, you will never stumble; for in this way the entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ will be abundantly supplied to you.”

In my fight with chronic pain and chronic fatigue, I realized that I am fighting to do.  I want to do the things that other people can: clean the house, do the laundry, do the dishes, take care of the yard, move the furniture to clean behind.  In my chronic pain, these are the things that I have chosen to fight for.  Yet, as I consider my life in light of God’s Word (and more specifically, the verses above), I realize that these are not the things that a Christ follower expends all of his or her energy on.  It is my attitude that I should be fighting over.  Am I serving Christ in diligence, seeking His knowledge, holding myself to His standard consistently, striving to be more like Christ and to show His love (verses 5-7)?

These things are not accomplished strictly by doing.  In fact, were I a complete invalid, I could still possess and successfully portray these qualities.  Here’s where grace finally enters in.  I cannot possess these qualities on my own.  It is only Christ’s work in me that allows these qualities to blossom and grow.  Not my own pushing through the pain, nor my determination to do something no matter how much it hurts.

My job is to seek Him.  To seek to know Him, to put it a little differently.  Christ will reveal Himself to me, and will empower me through His grace to do what He has set before me to do.  I often get so caught up in my own agenda.  I reason to myself that as a wife and mother, my first ministry is to my husband and son.  Good so far.  So I need to attend to all of the chores, right?  Well… doing the chores is an obvious way to minister to my husband and son, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that I need to do them.  The chores being done is not as important as the attitude that I portray to my family.  If I am allowing the chores to interfere with the ministry of my attitude, then I need to shift my focus.  (Notice I didn’t say don’t do the chores?)

Rather than a physical fight, I should be concentrating on the spiritual fight.  If, ultimately, the physical fight needs to stand aside in light of the spiritual fight, it’s worth it.  Honestly, this type of fight feels far more “relaxing.”  Far more doable.  Because I am not fighting on my own.  Christ extends His grace to me and empowers me with His Spirit and with His Word.  (He can use other things, too, but I would venture to say that these are the funnel through which all of His other tools flow.)

Where is your energy going?  You may not struggle with chronic pain or chronic fatigue, but the lesson is no less true.  Are you allowing the things that you do to crowd in and demand your focus?  Or are you seeking Christ first and how to portray His love in the things that you do?

You are in Control

Dear Lord,

You know that I have struggled with physical (and - I’ll be honest - emotional) ailments ever since I can remember.  Through that life, I have progressed in my knowledge of what it means that You are in control.  

At first, You were almost like some sort of genie, who had the power to answer my prayers - and would, if they were well-meant.  As time passed, I noticed that You answered “No” to some of my well-meant prayers, meaning that my understanding must be flawed.  Then I learned from 1 John 5:14-15 that, “This is the confidence which we have before Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests which we have asked from Him."  It wasn’t that my prayers should be well-meant, but that they should be in accordance with Your will.

Your will remained a bit nebulous to me.  And in that, I think You began teaching me more about Your sovereignty.  

Romans 8:28-31

“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren; and these whom He predestined, He also called; and these whom He called, He also justified; and these whom He justified, He also glorified.  What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us?”

There are even different facets to chew on in this small passage.  First, I learned You “cause all things to work together” for my good.  This meant two things: You are all-powerful (which I later learned was a part of the meaning of sovereignty), and You are good.  I knew from the beginning You were good, but I don’t think I had truly grasped that You had promised You were good.

Yet, how did this coincide with my pain, both physical and emotional?  If You were good, then why did You allow me to suffer?  Or others, for that matter?  I thought my definition of the word good might have to change in relation to You.

You taught me later that it wasn’t so much my definition of the word good in relation to You, as my perspective on what was good.  Continuing in that passage, it says that Your purpose for us is “to become conformed to the image of [Your] Son…”.  I had glossed over that previously because I hadn’t really understood what it meant.  It means You are teaching us to be more like Your Son - like Christ - and that this is the good You intend for us.  Your personal goodness is related to this purpose, but it is not completely defined by it.

Your goodness is exemplified in the grace and mercy You bestow upon us.  Those can also be difficult concepts to grasp the full impact of, at times.  Romans 5:8 sums it up (to a degree): “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”

Even before I turned to You, You chose to die for me; to take my sins upon You and to pay the penalty for them.  In fact, I turned to You because You loved me enough to do this.  I had no personal merit that caused You to choose me, it was simply Your good will.  You freed me, once and for all.  I still choose to follow the will of my flesh - my sin - at times, and each and every one of those sins was paid for in the sacrifice of Your Son.  

Yet, Your mercy and grace don’t stop there. You teach me every day, and give me the power through Your Holy Spirit, to live like Your Son lived.  To serve You as Your Son served You.  You made me one of Your children, and as such, a “fellow heir with Christ…”.  This is part of why it is so important that I become more like Christ.

As You continued Your teaching to me in the Romans passage above, I more fully understood the meaning of, “If God is for us, who is against us?”  You used Philippians 1:18c-20 to help flesh it out a bit, and this is where the post “Victory” came from.

Philippians 1:18c-20

“Yes, and I will rejoice, for I know that this will turn out for my deliverance through your prayers and the provision of the Spirit of Jesus Christ, according to my earnest expectation and hope, that I will not be put to shame in anything, but that with all boldness, Christ will even now, as always, be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death.”

Whether I live or die, or whatever I do, You will see Yourself glorified, and You use that same power, as You say in Romans, for the good of Your children (of which I am one).  If You possess that kind of victory, then Yes!  Who can be against us?!

So to bring it back to my pain.  If you cause all things to work together for Your glory and the good of Your children, then my pain is for my good (and likely the good of others of Your children), and also for Your glory.  So… pain isn’t so bad as I thought it was.  Why was I so afraid of pain?  Yes, it hurts, but if You ultimately possess the victory, then why should I be afraid of anything but You?

In my twenty-ninth year (thank you, grandpa, for educating me I was in my twenty-ninth year, though I’m only twenty-eight), I face the unknown of the possibility of being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis.  You know my aunt died of this.  As I look at this possibility, I am confronted by the fact You are in control.  This trial of pain hasn’t changed, because Your purpose for it is still the same:  to make Your glory known, and to conform me to the image of Your Son - which is to my good.

So, to make a long story short, Lord, I am thankful You are in control.  No one can stand against You and “win.”  Not sin, not pain, not death, not Satan.  You will have the victory.  And I have chosen - through the faith You empowered me with - to join You, for which, You made me a fellow heir with none other than Your only begotten Son!  

How amazing is Your love?!

Bargains

Dear Lord,

Thank You for all of the bargains my husband and I have found lately.  First, I discovered a bargain deal of 40 issues of a knitting magazine, encompassing their entire printing from 2000-2009 with hundreds of patterns, as well as tips and tricks for only $40 (just in time for my birthday!).  Then I found a maxi dress at Ross that actually fit my requirements (which I have been trying to accomplish for about two years) for $6.99.  And last, but not least, we discovered a sale on business casual clothing, which we took advantage of in light of my husband’s dearth for his new job. 

A good bargain can be hard to pass by, but we also want to honor You in our spending.  Thank You for bargains, that they can help us to stay within our budget.  Thank You, too, for budgets, that we can develop a plan for our money so that we can stick to it together, and, hopefully, honor You in doing so.  And thank You, Lord, for Your timing of these bargains, that we could take advantage of them!

In Jesus’ Name, amen.

Reminder Alarms

Dear Lord,

Thank You for the suggestion from my brother-in-law today to set a reminder alarm on my phone so that I wouldn’t forget to pick up the yarn I had accidentally left at the church.  I usually forget about this simple, yet effective way to “assure” (my short-term memory can be… impressive) that I remember something.  Of course, then there’s the fact that I have to remember to put it into my phone, too… so thank You for the reminder from my brother-in-law that reminded me to remember… well, You know what I mean.

To some extent, I am trying to work on my memory so that I do remember things like that.  The trick doesn’t seem to be so much that I don’t remember, as that I don’t remember at the right time.  Instead, I remember while I’m busy with something else, and when I can attend to whatever it may be that I needed to remember, it doesn’t cross my mind.  Sometimes I wonder if that isn’t some small piece of Your humor… I certainly see a little humor in it.

In any case, I do thank You for reminder alarms, that there is a tool I can use to remember the important things at the right time (which is why snooze is also a wonderful thing).  I would also much appreciate it if You would help me to remember to use it.  Thank You!

In Jesus’ Name, amen.

Piano Music

Dear Lord,

Thank You for piano music.  Instruments are so versatile in that we can play a number of different styles with a single instrument, but I think the piano is one of the most versatile.  I love to play the piano, but I also love to just listen to others play it.

As I relaxed in my living room tonight during my physical therapy exercises, I listened to my “New Age Solo Piano” channel on Pandora.  Talk about relaxing!  I’m not sure what it is about piano music, but a relaxing mood on a piano seems almost to speak to my very soul.  It’s as though You reach into my heart and say, “Rest now.”  And I am all too willing to comply.

Thank You, Lord, for the ability to listen to recorded piano music on good speakers, so that I can even rest from the movements required to play the music in order to enjoy it.  I look forward to heaven, Lord, and what music will be like there.  Thank You for my rest.

In Jesus’ Name, amen.

The Tree Surgeon

Dear Lord,

When I woke up in the morning to the sounds of a large machine, I assumed it was the trash truck that my son so loves to watch.  Upon further investigation, however, my husband and I realized that it was “The Tree Surgeon” with his cherry picker and wood chipper.  As You know, we’ve had a tree in the front yard that has needed trimming for some time, but haven’t really had the money to pay someone to come out.  Thank You that my husband decided to ask the man for an estimate.

As we prepare to sell our home within the next year, we have a number of items on the list, and, of course, only so much money to do it all.  Thank You that You not only brought “The Tree Surgeon” into our area so that we didn’t have to pay the hefty fuel charge, but that he was also a believer, and cut us a deal.  You even provided for another item on our list in the wood chips that he sold us - also at a discounted price.  Only You could have worked that out so perfectly, Lord, and we are so thankful!

In Jesus’ Name, amen.

My Breakdown

2 Corinthians 12:9

And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.

Dear Lord,

I’m sure You saw my efforts to shift my focus when I realized at work that my thoughts were drifting and I was slipping down the slope of depression.  I knew that I was centering my thoughts on something that wasn’t profitable - I was Brooding - but I wanted to brood.  I felt like there was something that I needed to figure out, as though by brooding on it long enough, I could solve the issue.  So, as You know, I inevitably sank into that pit, and broke down crying at work.  I couldn’t focus on my tasks, I couldn’t focus on You, and I was glad no one was there to see me fall.  

Even in the midst of my depression, You gave me the clarity to know what had happened, why, and that I needed to ask for help.  So I texted the best human help You gave me:  my husband.  Thank You for the words You gave him to remind me that my worth doesn’t come from usefulness.  It takes such a different kind of thinking to follow You, and it can be hard to remember how to shift back to it when in the midst of the world’s view.  My worth is not based on anything that I do, but on the fact that You chose to Love me, to save me, and to give me Your moment-by-moment Grace.  You drove that home the next day with 2 Corinthians 12:9.

Thank You, Lord, for my breakdown, that You used it to show me how better to remember Your way of thinking - the shift in focus that I need.  Each time You lead me along that path, it becomes easier to find the way.  Not if I look on my own, though, which just reaffirms that I need to look to You first.  To ask for Your help to find Your path and shift in focus.  Thank You for helping me to rejoice in the work that You did in me through my breakdown.

In Jesus’ Name, amen.