Better Than I Deserve

2 Corinthians 4:16-17

"Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison."

One question has been at the forefront of my mind lately: what gives saints (and by saints, I mean followers of Christ) joy through physical suffering? I have seen saints with such perseverance in Christ that joy pervades their being in a powerful and brazen witness to those around them. Yet I have feel as though I have barely persevered in this fight against chronic pain, and also keenly feel my own general lack of joy through it. So I keep returning to God with that question. What am I missing?

My last post (God's Gift) was a partial answer to this question, and today's post may make more sense if you've read it first. God revealed this second crucial piece to me today: I deserve eternal death. I deserve worse than anything this life can throw at me (which, it actually can't do apart from my Father allowing it for our good and His glory). This pain is better than I deserve.

I've known this before, but He had to remind me, and once I did, such joy flooded me! This life is better than eternal death, and when I do finally die, I get to enjoy eternal life with Christ! Pain itself is the opposite of enjoyable, but it is better than I deserve, and it has no real power, but instead serves God as He works all things together for our good and His glory. According to God's grace, Christ has redeemed me, and what I deserve no longer matters, except to remind me of my joy in Him!

In that lies the victory, the power, and the JOY of the God I serve. I fervently pray for that joy to fill me so intensely that those around me can't miss it! May Jesus Christ be praised!

God's Gift

1 Peter 1:13

"Therefore, prepare your minds for action, keep sober in spirit, fix your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ."

Chronic pain has been God's learning tool of choice for me, lately. I don't claim it's my favorite tool, but I am learning (again) to be thankful for it as He uses it to teach me. I have struggled lately with the concept of God's protection - not only in my situation, but in regard to those suffering persecution to the point of torture, slavery, and death. (I like to dwell on the light subjects...) 

God may choose to protect his saints' physical safety, but God promises to protect our souls. While it's comforting to know He'll protect my soul, I sometimes find it a difficult pill to swallow that He won't always protect my body. It is during these times that I must remember His goodness and His purpose: to make us more like Christ, and to bring Him glory. There are moments when I'm all too happy to face affliction for His glory and my benefit... but what about those times when I just don't want to hurt anymore?

I love something my husband said, paraphrased: "Our hope in Christ isn't a perspective that diminishes our present affliction, but that recognizes how much greater is the prize of eternity with Christ. Our present affliction pales in comparison." 

It's like the parable Christ tells in Matthew 13:44: "The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in the field, which a man found and hid again; and from joy over it he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field."

I want to be so excited about the treasure God has given me that my present afflictions pale in comparison. My focus has fallen from that treasure, and consequently, so has my joy. Thank God for His grace, to continue His work in me and remind me of who He is and what He has done. 

What has He done?

I highly suggest reading 1 Peter 1 and dwelling on each concept he states. There's a lot there! God chose us - not because of who we are, but who He is. His grace to us is rife throughout. He set us apart, sacrificed His Son to take our penalty, raised Him again to conquer death for us, and gave us an eternal inheritance we had no claim upon. I might add He also gave His Holy Spirit to enable us to conquer our spiritual battles on earth.

God is good! I am not forgotten, but rather He is walking these trenches with me. 

I stumble over this "need" to do something, to prove my worth to myself and to Him. But it isn't about what I can do, it is about what He has done, and the work He is doing in me now. The victory is His, not mine, and when I try to snatch that away, everything falls apart. Of course the path grows difficult when my focus draws inward: I have no power. 

If you're like me, you may want to dwell on that for a minute, because it takes a bit to sink into my brain. Then when it does, I'm disgruntled, because I mistake my powerlessness for worthlessness, which isn't true. God didn't choose me because of what I could do for Him. Realistically, there is nothing I can do that the omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient Creator of the Universe can't. 

Isn't it amazing, then, that while He doesn't need me, He still chooses to use me? How privileged are we?

"[F]ix your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ" and remember the joy of His gift! Purposefully meditate on it and let it permeate your thoughts and actions. Then watch your affliction begin to pale in comparison!

Sufficient Grace

2 Corinthians 12:9

"And He has said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.' Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me."

We all go through difficult times. In fact, the Bible makes no bones about the fact we will suffer. But the amazing thing? God not only uses that suffering to perfect us, but also gives us His grace and power - sufficient for each moment - to live, and to live for Him.

I have a lot going on right now. We all know the place, whatever it may look like for you. Excluding my hobbies and other goals, I'm struggling with an unknown chronic pain, am a homeschooling mom of two children (five and two) who works two days a week, and am in escrow on my old home while renovating my new one. (It sounds to me like so much less all summed up!) Yet in the midst of those moments of pain in the night, moments of frustration learning to teach, moments of indecision and realizing what won't be done in time, moments of exhaustion through it all, God is with me.

I may not know the specific reason for any given trial, but I can rest in Romans 8:28-29, James 1:2-4, and 2 Corinthians 12:9.

Romans 8:28-29

"And we know that God causes all things to work for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren..."

James 1:2-4

"Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

2 Corinthians 12:9

"And He has said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.' Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me."

God is working all things for my good and His glory, perfecting me among my trials to be more like Him, and He is right there with me among them - in my weakness. Whether my weakness is the physical pain, the emotional frustration, the mental anxiety, or exhaustion as a whole, God will rise to the "challenge" when I rely on Him. When I shift my focus to realize I can't do it - and don't want to do without Him even if I could - I see the whole world differently. It isn't about what I can or can't do, it's about what God is doing.

God doesn't send the evil in this world, but He isn't powerless about it, either. My physical pain is a result of sin, but God is using it to teach me how to be weak. I don't do that very well. It seems to be my personal 2 Corinthians 12:7 "thorn in the flesh... to keep me from exalting myself." Rather, as I boast about what God is doing in my weakness, then He gets the glory, and I learn to be more like Christ.

Is it easy? No. Does remembering the above make it easier to deal with? Yes. Our suffering is not in vain, friend! Remind yourself of God's promises and granted power - be thankful for them. Rely on Him in humble prayer and He will keep you. Live in His keeping and rejoice!

This, Too, Shall Pass

James 4:14b

"...You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away."

Life hurts. Whether you struggle with physical or emotional pain (or both), there will be times in life when it seems unbearable. In the midst of tonight's rise in my chronic pain, I found comfort in the knowledge God has taught my heart that is so commonly phrased, "This, too, shall pass." My hope doesn't stop there, though. Not only will this moment of pain pass, but there will be moments of joy, as well. Those will pass, too, until we breathe our last breath and join Christ in heaven. Then we will have joy everlasting!

As James says, this life is but a vapor. It seems to go on and on at times, but in the face of eternity, it's a bare blip on the heartbeat monitor. My hope rests in Christ who paid the ultimate price for me to be with Him in eternity where "He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away." (Revelation 21:4) 

I long for that day, but as Paul notes in Philippians 1:22: "But if I am to live on in the flesh, this will mean fruitful labor for me; and I do not know which to choose." (See more relevant text here: Philippians 1:21-24). God uses my time on this earth for the good of His children (me included) and for His glory. (Romans 8:28-29) He is, as James says, teaching me endurance, which is perfecting me (James 1:2-4).

I am thankful this pain shall pass, and that there will be a day when I shall be with Him in eternity. I praise Him for the work He has done to make that possible, and I relinquish my pride that says I deserve any better than what His only perfect Son endured. I thank Him that I don't have to pay that price, and for His Holy Spirit through whom He grants me strength to face the pain. Praise Him from whom all blessings flow!

Encouragement

1 Thessalonians 5:11

"Therefore encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing."

My coworkers have a tradition: the staff goes out to lunch in celebration of one of its members' birthdays, during which each person says a couple things about the birthday person they appreciate. Today was one such lunch for my birthday. Often, the appreciation can be a bit generic, with a few meaningful things here and there. Today, God blessed me with an outpouring of heartfelt appreciation from every one of my coworkers in areas I regard with high value: character, growth in the Lord, growth in being a mother, trustworthiness, and even being on top of things. I nearly cried.

You see, lately I have acutely seen and felt the areas in my life in which I'm not doing so well... many of which overlap the very areas in which my coworkers complimented me. 

I have a lot on my plate right now with: new software implementation and designing new offices at work; supporting my family in readying our current house to sell; co-orchestrating the purchase of a new house along with my in-laws (and our subsequent move); learning about a homeschool co-op and working with a charter to help fund school for my oldest son who starts this fall; trying to rehash my work schedule to coordinate with my son's school schedule; and working with doctors and trying new treatments for my severe chronic pain as I care for our two kiddos as a part-time stay-at-home-mom (to highlight a few). 

Motherhood, though a definite calling in my life, is not my talent, and I have watched with dismay, my selfishness in dealing with my kids - especially in the midst of these challenges. I'm easily irritable, put them off, and sometimes outright ignore them. The problem is that I'm not looking at the bigger picture. Do I fall short of perfect on a daily basis? Certainly! Yet there is growth on my part.

I honestly dislike it when others (who don't really know me) see what I'm facing and say, "You're doing a great job!" because they have no idea with just the superficial picture before them... but I think I finally understand why they do it. Motherhood is a difficult thing on its own, because it is ever-present amidst all the beautiful catastrophe of life. It never truly ends, and we all need encouragement through it. Even if you aren't a mother, encouragement is huge. We simply need it, because we lose sight of the bigger picture. We get bogged down in day-to-day battles, and don't look back to realize that - through God's amazing grace and sovereign power - we're slowly but surely winning the war.

I love the verses just before the one quoted above: "But since we are of the day, let us be sober, having put on the breastplate of faith and love, and as a helmet, the hope of salvation. For God has not destined us for wrath, but for obtaining salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, who died for us, so that whether we are awake or asleep, we will live together with Him. Therefore encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing." 1 Thessalonians 5:8-11

What a great reminder of the bigger picture of eternity and where our hope truly lies: Christ! These days and their suffering will pass, but Christ and our unmerited inheritance in and with Him, will not. I thank God for the encouragement He sent me today to help shift my focus toward Him, and I hope this serves as an encouraging reminder for you!

Staying Longer

Philippians 2:8b, 12-13 (with omissions)

"...He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. ... So then, my beloved, just as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure."

Fridays I get to bring my kiddos to meet with another mom or two with their kids in the park for a couple hours. It's a great time for me and the kiddos, because it affords a measure of rest. I get to fellowship with the moms, and the kids get to play. Some interaction is required, naturally, but it's easier than being alone with them at home.

As a mom who deals with chronic pain, works part-time, is in the middle of a house remodel, and cares for two kids four and under, I can see my time with the kids as something to be weathered. I can look toward a day with them and just wonder how I'm going to manage. I can grow anxious about it, or about the length of time things will be this way, and how long I can take it. Yet time and again, the Lord has proven to me His faithfulness.

It isn't about how much I can handle; Christ is the one weaving the world, and He weaves with an eye for the good of His children (some of the strings in the tapestry) and for His glory (the picture it paints). Part of what Christ died for, was to be the atoning sacrifice that we might be granted access to the perfect Holy Spirit. He is the source of our strength. It's about our relationship with Him, learning to recognize our Weakness and turn to Him in faith to see His work accomplished.

I am too weak to deal with all these circumstances, and I have a tendency to make matters worse with my thoughts. Yet Christ is working all things (including these circumstances) for my good, and I can rest in His grace and have faith in His plan. Rest and faith may not seem like strength, but God's strength takes care of the rest from there in order for me to obey His good an perfect will.

Today, not only did I have a reprieve in getting to be with the other moms and kids, but we stayed an extra two hours with them, prolonging the fellowship and break time. God is so good! Some moms might cringe at the consequences of staying longer... but for us, this meant a nap for the 1-year-old right after, and the 4-year-old playing by himself for awhile. Mommy can take her meds, write on the computer while they kick in (yes, that's this part!), then do a chore or two. Daddy might even be home by then!

I praise and thank God for staying longer today. His provision often amazes me even though it "shouldn't." Even on days when His plan includes more obstacles, He always provides the strength (again, often through rest in His grace and faith in His goodness and plan) to deal with them. Praise the Lord!

Hope in Christ

1 Peter 1:13

"Therefore, prepare your minds for action, keep sober in spirit, fix your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ."

This world is full of things we hope for. 

My husband and I are currently preparing our house to sell - it's a lot of work, and the list continues to grow. We were hoping to be done by the end of May... and then the end of June... and now we're just trusting the Lord for His timing as to when it will be completed. 

I've struggled with chronic pain since I was about nine years old. I've been through so many ups and downs with hoping doctors could determine what the issue was in order to treat it. I've tried so many supplements and ideas, it's exhausting. With each new idea, it's tempting to raise my hopes of healing, only to be disappointed and depressed.

Yet the things of this world are not where our hope truly lies. When the Bible talks about hope, it doesn't use or describe it as something we desire will happen. It's something we know and expect will happen. Hope is a result of faith.

If I "...fix [my] hope completely on the grace to be brought to [me] at the revelation of Jesus Christ" it totally changes my perspective. My hope is not in getting the house sold by the end of this month - the house selling has little consequence in the face of the day Christ declares me His righteous daughter. My hope is not in healing my chronic pain - God's sovereign grace is over my chronic pain, and He uses it as a tool to mold me into the image of His Son (Romans 8:29) and to grow my relationship with Him. 

I may wish for things here on earth, but I'm so thankful to hope in Christ. I don't have to be depressed by disappointed hope in timelines or suffering. All is in God's hands. His unchanging grace, love, and purpose for me are a rock to stand on, a refuge of protection, and a stronghold in our spiritual battle. Wishes and desires come and go, but God is the I AM. 

Weakness

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

"And He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.' Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me."

Let me be candid. I cringe at the thought of showing weakness in the face of my pain (the irony isn't lost on me). It is not in my nature to show the severity of my trials, and I work to "shield" those around me from it. While there is some good intent (adding to the world's list of complaints is a disservice to my companions), I think the true issue lies with my pride. God has been convicting me lately about not showing my struggles to those around me. Complaint may not serve my companions, but neither can Christ's light shine through me as a living testimony if I hide the very trials through which He works in my life. 

I see people respond to the salutation, "How are you?" with an enthusiastic, "Fantastic!" I understand the importance of living in the knowledge of the reality of Christ's amazing work for us, and I congratulate those people on their ability to testify of that... but I have (almost) never been able to truthfully say, "I'm living the dream!"  

Isaiah 26:3 says, "The steadfast of mind You will keep in perfect peace, because he trusts in You." When I keep my mind focused on God, His goodness and sovereignty, and thankfulness for it, I am content and in perfect peace. That peace is only marred by my chronic pain and various trials if I let it. There are, in fact, times when that peace can be enhanced by this physical pain God permitted within my body. 

But how can people see the good the Lord does in my life through my weakness if I don't show my weakness? How can they understand the depth of His work, or the height of the mountain, so-to-speak, if they do not see the valley? There is also the flip side: how is God served when I'm not dealing well with the pain? In those moments I lose patience with my child who is complaining about something far less difficult than my own suffering? In those moments when the peace of Christ escapes me because my mind is centered on myself rather than Him?

The truth is, I've reached my limit. My reservoir is empty, my strength spent. God has already taught me I should be relying upon His strength before I get to this point - and I think I am! - only to discover my level of reliance was elementary.  I've reached this point numerous times, but it always amazes me how little I actually tap into His Holy Spirit.  When my strength is completely spent, only then do I rely fully on Him. Only when I am too weak to put up the puny fight I have in me compared to His omnipotent power, will He supersede my boundaries and pour forth His power, His testimony, His grace through my frail form. 

It is a recognition of the power of the Holy Spirit in me to do what God has commanded of me: love. I am too tired to help others, but the Holy Spirit has new life. I have more love for myself than others, but the Holy Spirit can overcome my selfishness and sacrifice for others. I have nothing left to give, but the Holy Spirit has everything to give. It is only in the knowledge that I have nothing to offer that I can recognize the omnipotent power of the Holy Spirit to work through me anyway.

As I struggle to understand what it looks like to live in humble weakness - not just before God, but before others - I am thankful for my weakness. I thank God for His sufficient grace to work His good will through my weakness, and His wisdom to teach me through it. What area are you weak in right now? How can your weakness testify of God's strength?

Not in Vain

Romans 8:28

"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those that love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."

I have struggled with chronic pain since I was a child. Over the years, I have had my good phrases and bad phases, the moments of asking "why?" and the moments of sharing God's goodness in the midst of the pain. The phrase, "This, too, shall pass" used to be my mantra - especially during the worst of the pain. That precise phrase isn't in the Bible, though it says something similar: "...weeping may last for the night, but a shout of joy comes in the morning" (Psalm 30:5) and "For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal." (2 Corinthians 4:17-18) What these verses have over the phrase is a specific hope of WHAT (or Who) is in the future, rather than a simple focus on this moment passing. "This, too, shall pass" seems to place its hope in the fact that the moment will pass rather than on our eternal hope in Christ. 

That eternal hope in Christ is what brings me to thankfulness for my pain, because God wastes nothing; my pain is not in vain. Christ uses my pain not only in my life, but also in the lives of others. He is growing me, and more and more I am learning how to give Him the glory He is due. It can be difficult to be thankful for pain, but the more I focus on Christ and His truths, the easier it becomes. In today's society, we are taught to avoid pain if at all possible, but sometimes, pain is worth it and can even be good. Christ knows this better than anyone - it is why He chose to take our punishment upon Himself. 

I rejoice, not in the fact that it hurts, but in Christ's Victory - that He will use the pain for His glory and the good of His children. May the Lord's will be first in my life, as it was in Christ's!

Hold My Baby

Psalm 84:11-12

"For the Lord God is a sun and shield;
The Lord gives grace and glory;
No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly.
1O LorHow blessed is the man who trusts in You!"

In this journey of thanks based on Grace, I am learning more about how to live in thankfulness to God through times of trial. With a newborn and three-year-old, this mommy isn't getting much sleep. Fibromyalgia (or whatever chronic illness it is that I have) is also making its dastardly presence more poignant. It can be very difficult to press on in a perspective of God's joy. And so, during times like these, I am thankful for someone to hold my baby. 

It can be a moment of relief from the pain, or simply to catch a glimpse of rest from the constant needs of a little one. Even though I understand that it is by Christ's grace that I go through trials, it is a joy to experience moments of reprieve. These, too, are God's grace.

My battle with chronic illness may be on a small scale, lacking the grand concerted efforts of many people, but it requires the same level of individual effort. Even so, my heart is revived by the knowledge that God is orchestrating events on an even grander scale than a human battle. He interlaces time, events, circumstances, and others who minister into a beautiful pattern that glorifies Him. 

The moments of trial make the moments of reprieve all the sweeter. And those times of sweet reprieve can be a better reminder of the true reprieve of salvation. I cannot wait for the time when Christ recreates my body without sin and I can serve and glorify Him all the more in eternity.

Surrender

James 1:2-4

“Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.  And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”

Both today and yesterday were high-pain days.  I came toward the end of my work day (made it through!) and found myself analyzing my serenity.  I realized that I was content, and started to delve for the reason in order to repeat the feat.  Here is what I discovered.

I woke in the morning with the same pain I had gone to bed with, and I couldn’t reapply lavender oil to relax the hurting areas, or I wouldn’t be able to work.  (The second application doesn’t usually work as well anyway.)  Instead of thinking about the pain, though, I thought about my husband’s desire to not rush in the mornings.  I wanted to serve him and help keep his morning smooth.  So I roused myself and made my way to the bathroom to begin my day.

Later on, we pulled into my in-laws’ driveway (where we make our breakfast) and I found myself thanking the Lord for its steep incline, because it made getting out of the car less painful.  On our carpool to my work, I told my husband it should be “Take Your Wife to Work Day,” because I wanted to spend more time with him.  Yet I was content to go to work - if a little unsure as to whether or not I could last the whole day.  While at work, I also found myself thankful that the postwoman delivered my mail direct to my door (due to the Lord’s timing of a large package), which saved me the pain of rising from my chair to head to the mailbox.

Why was I content?  I truly desired not to hurt, and to spend more time with my husband.  These desires certainly weren’t being met.  However, the Truth that stuck with me was that God’s plan for me today was for it to be a high-pain day, and for me to go to work.  I couldn’t avoid the one (especially with no meds due to the pregnancy), and it was my responsibility to at least give the other (work) a shot.  So if the Lord was willing to allow it in my life, then I could rest in His promise that it would be for my good and His glory (Romans 8:28-29).  God would use this circumstance toward His purpose to make me more like Christ.

Not only this, but I could rest in the promise that His grace is sufficient for me (2 Corinthians 12:9).  Not only was the Lord using the circumstance to make me more like Him (for my good and His glory), but He would give me the grace and His power to actually be more like Him.  This is how He builds our endurance, as mentioned in James 1:2-4.  I also realized that I had work to do, and took that work one step at a time, remembering Colossians 3:23-24:  “Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance.  It is the Lord Christ whom you serve.”

So why was I content?  In the face of these Truths, I was able to surrender my desires to God’s will.  I didn’t bury them, but neither did I dwell on them.  I surrendered them to His perfect will.  Yes, I would rather not hurt, and yes, I would rather spend more time with my husband, but God’s plan for me was different today, and I am content to rest in His superior knowledge of what is best for me.  My focus wasn’t so much on myself, my pain, and my desires, but on serving others, on what God was doing in my life, and His power to see His will done.

My contentment resulted from my surrender.  In that humble place, it was far easier to focus on Christ and His work - to be aware and thankful for what He was doing, instead of bitter at what I was not receiving, or that things were “not going my way.”  I thank God for surrender - both for its existence, and for His power to be able to do so.  May I take advantage of this gift of grace more often.

Have you fully surrendered your desires to God’s will?  Is there a particular desire you have trouble letting go of?  Is there something - maybe even something good - that you’re willing to sacrifice your obedience to God in order to get?  Look up the passages I mentioned, and write down something God has provided you in the midst of your circumstance despite a desire.  Look for what the Lord might be teaching you through these Scriptures. 

Attitude

2 Peter 1:5-11

“Now for this very reason also, applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge, and in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance, godliness, and in your godliness, brotherly kindness, and in your brotherly kindness, love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they render you neither useless nor unfruitful in the true knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For he who lacks these qualities is blind or short-sighted, having forgotten his purification from his former sins. Therefore, brethren, be all the more diligent to make certain about His calling and choosing you; for as long as you practice these things, you will never stumble; for in this way the entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ will be abundantly supplied to you.”

In my fight with chronic pain and chronic fatigue, I realized that I am fighting to do.  I want to do the things that other people can: clean the house, do the laundry, do the dishes, take care of the yard, move the furniture to clean behind.  In my chronic pain, these are the things that I have chosen to fight for.  Yet, as I consider my life in light of God’s Word (and more specifically, the verses above), I realize that these are not the things that a Christ follower expends all of his or her energy on.  It is my attitude that I should be fighting over.  Am I serving Christ in diligence, seeking His knowledge, holding myself to His standard consistently, striving to be more like Christ and to show His love (verses 5-7)?

These things are not accomplished strictly by doing.  In fact, were I a complete invalid, I could still possess and successfully portray these qualities.  Here’s where grace finally enters in.  I cannot possess these qualities on my own.  It is only Christ’s work in me that allows these qualities to blossom and grow.  Not my own pushing through the pain, nor my determination to do something no matter how much it hurts.

My job is to seek Him.  To seek to know Him, to put it a little differently.  Christ will reveal Himself to me, and will empower me through His grace to do what He has set before me to do.  I often get so caught up in my own agenda.  I reason to myself that as a wife and mother, my first ministry is to my husband and son.  Good so far.  So I need to attend to all of the chores, right?  Well… doing the chores is an obvious way to minister to my husband and son, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that I need to do them.  The chores being done is not as important as the attitude that I portray to my family.  If I am allowing the chores to interfere with the ministry of my attitude, then I need to shift my focus.  (Notice I didn’t say don’t do the chores?)

Rather than a physical fight, I should be concentrating on the spiritual fight.  If, ultimately, the physical fight needs to stand aside in light of the spiritual fight, it’s worth it.  Honestly, this type of fight feels far more “relaxing.”  Far more doable.  Because I am not fighting on my own.  Christ extends His grace to me and empowers me with His Spirit and with His Word.  (He can use other things, too, but I would venture to say that these are the funnel through which all of His other tools flow.)

Where is your energy going?  You may not struggle with chronic pain or chronic fatigue, but the lesson is no less true.  Are you allowing the things that you do to crowd in and demand your focus?  Or are you seeking Christ first and how to portray His love in the things that you do?

Endurance

James 1:2-5a

“Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God…”

I had a difficult time a little bit ago in my weakness, or trial, or whatever you wish to call it, of chronic pain and fatigue.  I knew that I was weak, my endurance waned, and I fought depression as I looked to God.  I have 2 Corinthians 12:9 posted at my desk to help me through times like that:

“And He has said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.’ Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.”

I found myself unable to recall what God’s power in my weakness looked like.  How exactly did that work?  I needed to remind myself.

So I studied around the verse.  In 2 Corinthians 12:7, Paul mentions “to keep me from exalting myself, there was given me a thorn in the flesh[.]”  He requested of the Lord three times that He remove the thorn (many theories exist as to just what the thorn was), implying that he dealt with it over a period of time.  The implication of time makes me think of the endurance that Paul must have needed in his “weakness.”  When does a person need endurance, if not when they are weak? 

As I pondered endurance and weakness and God’s power with my husband, he  mentioned James.  James seems to be the helping key to understand, as it explains the concept of endurance, which goes hand-in-hand with trials and weakness.  Was my endurance failing?  Was that concept biblical?  Or was there something else at work?  James speaks of endurance stemming from trials, not being crushed by them.

James talks about endurance in trials, but endurance isn’t the first thing on his list.  First comes joy, then knowing, then faith, then endurance.  We are to have joy in our trials - or our weaknesses, insults, distresses, persecutions, or difficulties, as later mentioned in 2 Corinthians 12 - because we know that the testing of our faith produces endurance.  This endurance, in its perfect result, will make you “…perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”  

Christ’s purpose, as mentioned in Romans 8:29, is to “…conform [us] to the image of Christ.”  To make us more like Christ, who was perfect.  He is always working toward that purpose (which is combined with bringing Him glory).  This is what God uses our trials for.  James continues on in his book with the knowledge we need in order to have joy in trials, but I want to focus on endurance and what that looks like in weakness.

The word used in James 1:2 for endurance is the greek word hupomone.  There are a few definitions for it, but two in particular stood out to me:  “the characteristic of a man who is not swerved from his deliberate purpose and his loyalty to faith” and “a patient, steadfast waiting for.”  So endurance holds a deliberate purpose at the same time as patient waiting upon the Lord.  This portrays contentment to me.  To be content in the knowledge that I will wait for God’s purpose to use this trial for victory, and to hold to that deliberate purpose of faith in God and in His purpose to make me more like His Son. 

As I laid crying on the floor and crying out to God, I had lost my hope in God’s victory over - and through - the trial.  All I focused on was the pain, the fatigue, the lack of strength, and no end in sight.  I tried to shift my focus, but it was a difficult uphill battle, as I had already been traveling down that road awhile before the breakdown.  I also didn’t have this concept of endurance, yet.  Perhaps it will help me to catch my thoughts before the breakdown next time.

The verse Psalm 27:14 comes to mind:  “Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; yes, wait for the Lord.”  It was my favorite verse for awhile, and I think that I need to return to it with this new definition of endurance in mind.  It’s almost as if to say, “Wait - before you lose hope - wait for the Lord to work in you.  His grace is sufficient for this trial.  Let your heart take courage, because He will have the victory.  Yes, be content, and wait for the Lord.”

I pray that He would bolster my faith, that I would exercise deliberate purpose to seek His knowledge as a high priority.

You are in Control

Dear Lord,

You know that I have struggled with physical (and - I’ll be honest - emotional) ailments ever since I can remember.  Through that life, I have progressed in my knowledge of what it means that You are in control.  

At first, You were almost like some sort of genie, who had the power to answer my prayers - and would, if they were well-meant.  As time passed, I noticed that You answered “No” to some of my well-meant prayers, meaning that my understanding must be flawed.  Then I learned from 1 John 5:14-15 that, “This is the confidence which we have before Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests which we have asked from Him."  It wasn’t that my prayers should be well-meant, but that they should be in accordance with Your will.

Your will remained a bit nebulous to me.  And in that, I think You began teaching me more about Your sovereignty.  

Romans 8:28-31

“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren; and these whom He predestined, He also called; and these whom He called, He also justified; and these whom He justified, He also glorified.  What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us?”

There are even different facets to chew on in this small passage.  First, I learned You “cause all things to work together” for my good.  This meant two things: You are all-powerful (which I later learned was a part of the meaning of sovereignty), and You are good.  I knew from the beginning You were good, but I don’t think I had truly grasped that You had promised You were good.

Yet, how did this coincide with my pain, both physical and emotional?  If You were good, then why did You allow me to suffer?  Or others, for that matter?  I thought my definition of the word good might have to change in relation to You.

You taught me later that it wasn’t so much my definition of the word good in relation to You, as my perspective on what was good.  Continuing in that passage, it says that Your purpose for us is “to become conformed to the image of [Your] Son…”.  I had glossed over that previously because I hadn’t really understood what it meant.  It means You are teaching us to be more like Your Son - like Christ - and that this is the good You intend for us.  Your personal goodness is related to this purpose, but it is not completely defined by it.

Your goodness is exemplified in the grace and mercy You bestow upon us.  Those can also be difficult concepts to grasp the full impact of, at times.  Romans 5:8 sums it up (to a degree): “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”

Even before I turned to You, You chose to die for me; to take my sins upon You and to pay the penalty for them.  In fact, I turned to You because You loved me enough to do this.  I had no personal merit that caused You to choose me, it was simply Your good will.  You freed me, once and for all.  I still choose to follow the will of my flesh - my sin - at times, and each and every one of those sins was paid for in the sacrifice of Your Son.  

Yet, Your mercy and grace don’t stop there. You teach me every day, and give me the power through Your Holy Spirit, to live like Your Son lived.  To serve You as Your Son served You.  You made me one of Your children, and as such, a “fellow heir with Christ…”.  This is part of why it is so important that I become more like Christ.

As You continued Your teaching to me in the Romans passage above, I more fully understood the meaning of, “If God is for us, who is against us?”  You used Philippians 1:18c-20 to help flesh it out a bit, and this is where the post “Victory” came from.

Philippians 1:18c-20

“Yes, and I will rejoice, for I know that this will turn out for my deliverance through your prayers and the provision of the Spirit of Jesus Christ, according to my earnest expectation and hope, that I will not be put to shame in anything, but that with all boldness, Christ will even now, as always, be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death.”

Whether I live or die, or whatever I do, You will see Yourself glorified, and You use that same power, as You say in Romans, for the good of Your children (of which I am one).  If You possess that kind of victory, then Yes!  Who can be against us?!

So to bring it back to my pain.  If you cause all things to work together for Your glory and the good of Your children, then my pain is for my good (and likely the good of others of Your children), and also for Your glory.  So… pain isn’t so bad as I thought it was.  Why was I so afraid of pain?  Yes, it hurts, but if You ultimately possess the victory, then why should I be afraid of anything but You?

In my twenty-ninth year (thank you, grandpa, for educating me I was in my twenty-ninth year, though I’m only twenty-eight), I face the unknown of the possibility of being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis.  You know my aunt died of this.  As I look at this possibility, I am confronted by the fact You are in control.  This trial of pain hasn’t changed, because Your purpose for it is still the same:  to make Your glory known, and to conform me to the image of Your Son - which is to my good.

So, to make a long story short, Lord, I am thankful You are in control.  No one can stand against You and “win.”  Not sin, not pain, not death, not Satan.  You will have the victory.  And I have chosen - through the faith You empowered me with - to join You, for which, You made me a fellow heir with none other than Your only begotten Son!  

How amazing is Your love?!

"Blessed Be Your Name"

“Blessed be Your name
When the sun’s shining down on me
When the world’s all as it should be
Blessed be Your name.

“Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there’s pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

“Every blessing You pour out I’ll
Turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

“Blessed be the name of the Lord…”
-From the song “Blessed Be Your Name” by Matt Redman

Dear Lord,

Thank You for the song “Blessed Be Your Name.”  After the sermon that our pastor preached on Romans 5:3-5 (see Joy in the Midst of Trials), to sing this song really drove the application home.  Your blessings aren’t only the things that the world sees as good (like a good day, more money, or even a hug at the right time), but the trials we face are also Your blessings.  It takes a true shift in focus to see that, but when we look at the world through Your eyes, then we see Your Victory.

Help me to keep my focus on You, Lord.  I am reminded of the line from the song “I Need Your Love” by Pentatonix (Calvin Harris feat. Ellie Goulding Cover) that says, “When everything’s wrong, you make it right.”  I know it wasn’t originally written in reference to You, but I can apply it that way in some respects.  When I am looking at the world around me and see all that is “wrong,” I can look up to You and recognize that in Your sovereignty, You allowed all of this for my good, and while it still hurts, that’s okay, because You make everything right.  There is nothing in this world apart from Your will, and You are faithful to “cause all things to work together for good to those who love God[.]”

So help me in every blessing - whether trial or pleasure - to turn it back to You in praise.  Help me to recognize Your blessings, and to rejoice in Your love.  Thank You for Your Victory.

In Jesus’ Name, amen.

Joy in the Midst of Trials

Romans 5:3-5

“And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.”

Dear Lord,

Thank You for the sermon that our pastor preached on Romans 5:3-5 this past Sunday.  Though I haven’t been through any truly great tribulations of late, I have been thinking for awhile on the idea of how to act in their midst.  It seems to me that it is one thing to have peace in the midst of my trials, and quite another to be thankful for them, or to “exult” in them.  I am glad to have achieved peace in their midst, but I feel Your call to go beyond that and to be thankful for them.  

While I have attained Your peace in the midst of trials through the knowledge in my heart that You are both sovereign and good, it appears that I let my personal comfort get in the way of achieving thankfulness for trials.  If You are both sovereign and good, then certainly, I should be thanking You for everything.  Yet I hurt.  What I have not yet fully mastered (though I have had peeks!) is to shift my focus off of the personal pain.  I do not always see the pain as Your tool, but as a destructive force against me upon which I continue to focus until it seems greater than You.

Yet You are completely sovereign and completely good (Romans 8:28-29).  Thank You, Lord, that You love us so much, that we can have Your joy in the midst of trials.  Thank You that we can not only have peace, but be thankful for the very trial that hurts us, because You are the One in control, using that trial and pain to make us more like Your Son; to always give You glory; to enjoy You even in the midst of pain.

In Jesus’ Name, amen.

Our Son's Sandbox

Dear Lord,

Thank You that my parents gave our little man a sandbox.  We finally got it set up and ready for the sand, so my dad brought it yesterday.  Little Man has had sooo much fun with it!  It may be a bit difficult to train him not to get the sand outside of the sandbox, but at least he isn’t terrible about it.  We have shown him how to make roads for his dump trucks, cars, and tractors; make a sandcastle with his buckets; make “stairs” down into a hole; and a number of other things.  Not to mention he just likes to tromp through the sand.  In other words, I am very thankful for the hours of endless fun that our son’s sandbox elicits from his imagination.

Thank You, Lord, for an easy way to care for my son for awhile.  He gets to be outside using his imagination, and it even has a shade from the sun.  In the midst of another wave of heightened pain, it is a blessing to have an easy way to care for him.  Thank You, Lord, for Your care for me.

In Jesus’ Name, amen.

My Son's Ministrations

Dear Lord,

As You know, my two-year-old son dropped a step stool on my foot today, and I sat for some time with an ice pack on it.  He was so cute as he came up to check out what was going on, commenting on how soft it was (one of those with a cover), and that, “Mommy got hurt.”  As he petted the ice pack, drove his truck over it, and commented that he needed one, too, I found it amusing to consider being the subject (victim…) of his ministrations one day.

He was very sweet about it, and claimed that I also needed a bandaid.  It’s been interesting trying to teach him when certain things are needed and when they’re not.  It is fun to see when he grasps new concepts, but some have not yet taken hold.  I enjoyed talking with him today about me getting hurt, and about what is an appropriate ministration, and what not.  I do wonder if and when he might take care of me in the future, and I pray not only that he would have a much better concept then of what to do, but that I would be a “good patient” and reflection of your glory.

Thank You for my son’s “ministrations” today, and for the reminder they were of when I played doctor with my great-grandmother.  She was most certainly a good patient of my “ministrations!”

In Jesus’ Name, amen.

Ice Packs

Dear Lord,

After my two-year-old son dropped a step stool on my virtually bare foot this morning, I was most certainly thankful for ice packs.  The cold slashed the pain to nothing when I kept my foot still, and made it a bit easier to limp around.  Not to mention the fact that it kept the swelling down.  I am thankful for the basic knowledge to use an ice pack.  A lovely bruise is forming, and I’m not quite certain of the extent of the damage, but I’m thankful that nothing seems to be broken, and that the pain seems to be somewhat minimal.

Thank You, Lord, for Your care.  I know that You allowed it to happen, and, for that reason, I can be thankful for it.  It helps that it wasn’t horrendously painful (if more than I’ve had for awhile).  I had unshed tears from the initial drop, and it was a bit hard not to cry.  Yet even so, I knew You were in control.  I know that the greater the pain - whether emotional or physical - the harder it can be to keep that perspective.  I thank You that You are training me in that direction, because life is so much more joyful when You are my focus.  Thank You for Your love, Lord.

In Jesus’ Name, amen.

Chairs

James 1:2-4
“Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.  And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”

Dear Lord,

Chairs are definitely something that I have taken for granted.  Usually, I don’t really notice how nice they are to have until I don’t have one.  Yesterday, it was a different reason; my fibromyalgia had kicked into a higher gear.  By Your good work in me, You have started to train me to look for what I’m thankful for to You, and to very intentionally shift my focus to You when I’m in pain, in order to remain in Your joy and continue to witness.  Thank You so much for that training.

It was in that setting that I discovered that I was very thankful for chairs… more specifically, my office chair, which is adjustable.  As I folded bulletins at work for our Sunday service, I discovered that the height of my desk was actually a bit higher than was comfortable.  With a smile, I knew that was no problem, since You had provided me with an adjustable office chair, and I was working away with less issue with the lift of a lever.

Thank You, Lord, for chairs.  Thank You most especially, for that shift in focus You have taught me.  I pray for Your “endurance [to] have its perfect result” in me.  Thank You for the opportunity to increase in Your wisdom.

In Jesus’ Name, amen.