Hold My Baby

Psalm 84:11-12

"For the Lord God is a sun and shield;
The Lord gives grace and glory;
No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly.
1O LorHow blessed is the man who trusts in You!"

In this journey of thanks based on Grace, I am learning more about how to live in thankfulness to God through times of trial. With a newborn and three-year-old, this mommy isn't getting much sleep. Fibromyalgia (or whatever chronic illness it is that I have) is also making its dastardly presence more poignant. It can be very difficult to press on in a perspective of God's joy. And so, during times like these, I am thankful for someone to hold my baby. 

It can be a moment of relief from the pain, or simply to catch a glimpse of rest from the constant needs of a little one. Even though I understand that it is by Christ's grace that I go through trials, it is a joy to experience moments of reprieve. These, too, are God's grace.

My battle with chronic illness may be on a small scale, lacking the grand concerted efforts of many people, but it requires the same level of individual effort. Even so, my heart is revived by the knowledge that God is orchestrating events on an even grander scale than a human battle. He interlaces time, events, circumstances, and others who minister into a beautiful pattern that glorifies Him. 

The moments of trial make the moments of reprieve all the sweeter. And those times of sweet reprieve can be a better reminder of the true reprieve of salvation. I cannot wait for the time when Christ recreates my body without sin and I can serve and glorify Him all the more in eternity.

The End of Myself

2 Corinthians 12:9

"And He has said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.' Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me."

Whether by circumstances or even my own attitude, I find it is God's grace that I come to the end of myself. Motherhood is no picnic, and I often find myself so frustrated, stressed, anxious, weary, or depressed that I just want to give up. It is there - in that weakness - that My God stretches me and molds me to make me stronger and more like Christ, His Son.

I am beginning to realize it isn't just about relying on God; I still come to the end of myself. Rather, coming to the end of myself is not bad, but something that must occur before I can truly live in God's strength. I don't have to get frustrated, etc. to come to the end of myself and reach that strength. Instead, I should purpose to go straight to the end of myself - to my weakness and His strength - from the beginning. 

Before I come to the end of myself, I rely on my plan, my physical strength, or my talents. Living in God's strength requires looking ahead at eternity, recognizing my humble position under God, and being ready for whatever way He would have this task accomplished. Certainly, I should have a plan, but I shouldn't rely on it. I shouldn't place my hope or my emotional balance on it. That just ruins my contentment if God has a different (and thus, better) plan for me. How tragic!

My God is greater than I, His power beyond my imagining. This is His world I live in; how can I hope to navigate it in my own strength?  Why would I want to?

I thank God for the end of myself, for the place where I live in my humble Weakness and the Victory of His strength. 

The Thought of Eternity

1 Peter 1:13

“Therefore, prepare your minds for action, keep sober in spirit, fix your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.”

As I try to soothe my 7-week-old daughter, I find myself searching for a way to live out Your joy. It is so easy to succumb to anxiety and stress in the face of her fussy cry, especially when compounded by pressing chores like dinner, or my 3-year-old son's need for attention. Now I perform the mother's nighttime dance of sway-bounce-pat as I spin a slow circle in my three-foot space, humming a made-up lullaby with her swaddled against my chest. Thankfully, it soothes her, but only so long as I continue; no going to sleep for Mama. 

It reminds me of a similar situation with my first baby. I held my son late at night as he screamed, and I found solace in Colossians 3:24b: "It is the Lord Christ whom you serve." I knew that my job was to serve God, which, at that moment, meant serving my son. All I could really do for him was hold him. And that was enough. God expected no more and no less of me. That I was fulfilling my purpose in that moment brought me a peace that, in turn, brought me a certain joy - even through his screams (and Mamas, you know that's saying something!).

In tonight's situation, God has added another of His truths to the solace of that verse in Colossians: the thought of eternity. 1 Peter is saturated with this theme. I can remember a fascinated awe at Peter's ability to stay his mind on the thought of eternity as I studied the first chapter. How could I live with a constant eye toward eternity?

I have struggled with - and asked God for - the answer to that question. Each moment seems to have a different answer or application. I have felt overwhelmed at the magnitude of different moments, let alone trying to apply the principle to each. I had to smile tonight as an application occurred to me.

You see, I'm musically oriented, and as I hummed my made-up lullaby to my daughter, there were pieces of it that I thought would be good enough to save and create an actual song from. Yet, right at that moment, I couldn't record it, or my daughter's soothing would be disrupted. I certainly wouldn't be able to remember it, so the tune would be lost.

Ordinarily, this would be a cause of frustration for me, since it's one more thing to put on hold while I care for my children. One more thing lost. Yet, with my mind on serving Christ instead of myself, and with the thought of eternity in mind, instead of frustration, I felt peace. Perhaps I won't get to it today, but God isn't calling me to write a song in this moment; this moment is my daughter's.

I have eternity to honor Christ with my voice and my songs. I am not my intended audience, and as my daughter slept restlessly in my arms, neither was she. I sang for God. And God heard it that moment. So I smiled with the joy of the Lord, knowing that capturing a song didn't matter, because it served its intended purpose as a sweet sound in God's ear. It was not, in fact, lost.

What skills do you have with which to serve Him? Are you letting the skill take precedence, or are you keeping it under the grace of eternity? God's grace allows me not only the joy of serving Him, but an eternity in which to do it. He hears me, sees me, knows me now, in this very moment - and I have an eternity to hone my skills for Him. What a blessing is the hope of what He has for us when He returns!

All-Pervasive Grace

Romans 11:36

“For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be the glory forever. Amen.”

God’s grace manifests itself in an infinite number of ways. One reason I have loved this thankful exercise, is because it has helped open my eyes to those many ways. With each thankful thing, I find another manifestation of His grace.

We often fall into the idea that the universe revolves around us. For example, if “…God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God…” (Romans 8:28) and I am one of those, then all things are for me, right? Not exactly. It’s more of an indirect thing. As it says in Romans 11:36, “…from Him and through Him and to Him are all things.” Everything is about God. It is to His glory and by His grace that He chooses to work all those things for our good.

I’ve had trouble lately staying thankful, as I now have a newborn and have been trying to care for her, my three-year-old son, myself, and my husband. It isn’t an easy transition, as mothers will tell you. I have to keep reminding myself each circumstance is by the grace of God. Yes, the baby’s crying, my son is whining, I need to go to the bathroom, and somehow manage to cook dinner. It is all to God’s glory as He uses this to stretch me, and that is His unmerited favor - His grace.

May I “rejoice always; pray without ceasing; [and] in everything give thanks…” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18a) because I know He is working all things for the good of His children.

Love Hurts

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

“Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

It seems to be widely accepted that love is a good feeling between two people that makes both parties feel good, and that if those good feelings turn bad consistently, then they have “fallen out of love.”  This ignores an important truth that we don’t want to accept:  love hurts.  I am not referring only to grief at the loss of one you have loved, but of the everyday “betrayals,” if you will.  Love is when we esteem the other person more than ourselves, and we often fall a bit short of that as our focus turns inward upon ourselves more than the other person.  We place our own selves on the throne of our heart rather than Christ, and subsequently, others.  We sin against one another and against God.

No human can have a relationship without sinning against the one with whom they have the relationship… except that One did.  True love does exist, and it exists in the person of Jesus Christ.  He is the only human to have never sinned, and will be the only one until His second coming, when His children “…will be revealed with Him in glory.” (Colossians 3:4ff)

Christ, in His true love, unceasingly forgave those around Him.  Ultimately, He paid the price for all of His children’s sins, that we might have fellowship with Him.  We, too, in our love for one another, must forgive those we love of the sins committed against us - even should it be the “…seventy times seven” that Christ speaks of in Matthew 18:22.  Else we are not loving the other person - esteeming them higher than ourselves - and nor can we partake of the joyous part of love.  

When we wallow in the part of love that hurts because of sin, then we have become discontent.  It is not that we have “fallen out of love,” but that we have decided - have chosen - to put ourselves higher than the other person.  Christ always gives the option of repentance of this, even though the rest of mankind often finds this more difficult than they care to accept.

Love from God - His perfect love that casts out fear (1 John 4:18) - can even hurt, because we are sinful.  “Whom the Lord loves, He reproves, even as a father corrects the son in whom he delights.” (Proverbs 3:12)  Reproof, or discipline, hurts.  Yet God does it because He loves us.  We don’t want to hurt, and I, at least, can idolize that desire.  I lose sight of God and His love.  I lose sight of His grace.

Yes, even Pain, and the fact that love hurts, are gifts of His grace.  If His love didn’t hurt - if He didn’t reprove us - we wouldn’t grow in our sinful environment.  If we humans didn’t hurt one another in our sins, we wouldn’t recognize the filth of our sins.  Christ’s light shines all the brighter amid the background of our evil.  Christ’s love can surpass that evil in us, though.  He gives us the choice every time a loved one sins against us to forgive.  It can hurt to forgive, too… but it is also healing.

Yes, love hurts, and we hurt… but it will not always be so.  Christ will return, and when He does, He will call His own to Himself and “He who began a good work in you” (Philippians 1:6b) will complete His perfection in you.

I am thankful that love hurts now, in God’s wisdom.  I am thankful to be able to see my sin.  I am thankful for God’s grace and mercy on me, a sinner, whom He is perfecting until He returns.

Adoption

Ephesians 2:11-13

“Therefore remember that formerly you, the Gentiles in the flesh, who are called ‘Uncircumcision’ by the so-called ‘Circumcision,’ which is performed in the flesh by human hands— remember that you were at that time separate from Christ, excluded from the commonwealth of Israel, and strangers to the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world.  But now in Christ Jesus you who formerly were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ.”

As I studied in Ephesians and read this passage, I find myself tremendously thankful for God’s grace of adoption.  As a “gentile” (not of the people of Israel), I would not be accepted as one of God’s people, but for the fact that Christ came and extended His sacrifice to even the gentiles.  I would be completely without hope but for that ultimate example of unmerited favor.

A little earlier in the passage, in Ephesians 2:8-9, it says, “For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast.”  This passage is part of the “therefore” mentioned in the quote at the beginning of this post.  I am so thankful that His grace is unreliant upon me, but rather is based upon His unchanging character.  I am His - forever.  May I, as His adopted child, reflect His glory and grace.

Surrender

James 1:2-4

“Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.  And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”

Both today and yesterday were high-pain days.  I came toward the end of my work day (made it through!) and found myself analyzing my serenity.  I realized that I was content, and started to delve for the reason in order to repeat the feat.  Here is what I discovered.

I woke in the morning with the same pain I had gone to bed with, and I couldn’t reapply lavender oil to relax the hurting areas, or I wouldn’t be able to work.  (The second application doesn’t usually work as well anyway.)  Instead of thinking about the pain, though, I thought about my husband’s desire to not rush in the mornings.  I wanted to serve him and help keep his morning smooth.  So I roused myself and made my way to the bathroom to begin my day.

Later on, we pulled into my in-laws’ driveway (where we make our breakfast) and I found myself thanking the Lord for its steep incline, because it made getting out of the car less painful.  On our carpool to my work, I told my husband it should be “Take Your Wife to Work Day,” because I wanted to spend more time with him.  Yet I was content to go to work - if a little unsure as to whether or not I could last the whole day.  While at work, I also found myself thankful that the postwoman delivered my mail direct to my door (due to the Lord’s timing of a large package), which saved me the pain of rising from my chair to head to the mailbox.

Why was I content?  I truly desired not to hurt, and to spend more time with my husband.  These desires certainly weren’t being met.  However, the Truth that stuck with me was that God’s plan for me today was for it to be a high-pain day, and for me to go to work.  I couldn’t avoid the one (especially with no meds due to the pregnancy), and it was my responsibility to at least give the other (work) a shot.  So if the Lord was willing to allow it in my life, then I could rest in His promise that it would be for my good and His glory (Romans 8:28-29).  God would use this circumstance toward His purpose to make me more like Christ.

Not only this, but I could rest in the promise that His grace is sufficient for me (2 Corinthians 12:9).  Not only was the Lord using the circumstance to make me more like Him (for my good and His glory), but He would give me the grace and His power to actually be more like Him.  This is how He builds our endurance, as mentioned in James 1:2-4.  I also realized that I had work to do, and took that work one step at a time, remembering Colossians 3:23-24:  “Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance.  It is the Lord Christ whom you serve.”

So why was I content?  In the face of these Truths, I was able to surrender my desires to God’s will.  I didn’t bury them, but neither did I dwell on them.  I surrendered them to His perfect will.  Yes, I would rather not hurt, and yes, I would rather spend more time with my husband, but God’s plan for me was different today, and I am content to rest in His superior knowledge of what is best for me.  My focus wasn’t so much on myself, my pain, and my desires, but on serving others, on what God was doing in my life, and His power to see His will done.

My contentment resulted from my surrender.  In that humble place, it was far easier to focus on Christ and His work - to be aware and thankful for what He was doing, instead of bitter at what I was not receiving, or that things were “not going my way.”  I thank God for surrender - both for its existence, and for His power to be able to do so.  May I take advantage of this gift of grace more often.

Have you fully surrendered your desires to God’s will?  Is there a particular desire you have trouble letting go of?  Is there something - maybe even something good - that you’re willing to sacrifice your obedience to God in order to get?  Look up the passages I mentioned, and write down something God has provided you in the midst of your circumstance despite a desire.  Look for what the Lord might be teaching you through these Scriptures.