Wednesday, June 25, 2014

My Breakdown

2 Corinthians 12:9
And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.

Dear Lord,

I’m sure You saw my efforts to shift my focus when I realized at work that my thoughts were drifting and I was slipping down the slope of depression.  I knew that I was centering my thoughts on something that wasn’t profitable - I was Brooding - but I wanted to brood.  I felt like there was something that I needed to figure out, as though by brooding on it long enough, I could solve the issue.  So, as You know, I inevitably sank into that pit, and broke down crying at work.  I couldn’t focus on my tasks, I couldn’t focus on You, and I was glad no one was there to see me fall.  

Even in the midst of my depression, You gave me the clarity to know what had happened, why, and that I needed to ask for help.  So I texted the best human help You gave me:  my husband.  Thank You for the words You gave him to remind me that my worth doesn’t come from usefulness.  It takes such a different kind of thinking to follow You, and it can be hard to remember how to shift back to it when in the midst of the world’s view.  My worth is not based on anything that I do, but on the fact that You chose to Love me, to save me, and to give me Your moment-by-moment Grace.  You drove that home the next day with 2 Corinthians 12:9.

Thank You, Lord, for my breakdown, that You used it to show me how better to remember Your way of thinking - the shift in focus that I need.  Each time You lead me along that path, it becomes easier to find the way.  Not if I look on my own, though, which just reaffirms that I need to look to You first.  To ask for Your help to find Your path and shift in focus.  Thank You for helping me to rejoice in the work that You did in me through my breakdown.

In Jesus’ Name, amen.

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