I’ve felt a prodding of the Lord to be a little more diligent in my house chores, and have made an effort to do a bit more each day, if possible. Tonight, I was planned a load of laundry in. My husband went to put our son down and I saw a chance to get some of it folded.
Before I could finish, I heard my husband put the leftover milk in the fridge. I hastily continued, hoping to get as much as I could done before the call to move on to our next activity. He entered the room, saw what I was doing, and picked up an article to fold. That brought a smile to my lips, and, while I didn’t dally, I relaxed my hurried rush.
I am thankful that my husband helped me with the laundry. I saw it as a fulfillment of Peter’s teaching for husbands to “...live with your wives in an understanding way...” (1 Peter 3:7), as well as Paul’s teaching in Philippians 2:4 for all Christ followers to “...not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.” God used him not only to brighten my evening, but also to complete what His Holy Spirit had prodded me to do. I thank and praise the Lord for His care.
After three hundred thankful things that I have written through the course of daily life over the past year, I have found myself associating new feelings with the things that I have written thanks for. It has made it much easier to have a thankful attitude - and I’m a much happier person and more enjoyable to be around because of it. I realized, however, that though I am thankful for the things around me, I am not as thankful for things in my marriage. This is why I decided to write my next 100 thankful things focused on my marriage - and I can’t wait to reap the benefits.
As I read over the past five thankful things I wrote this last week, I found those thankful feelings arising in relation to my marriage, and was rather glad. It is a very useful tool to read over the past thankful things I have written - and if you’ve joined me in this venture and have written your own thankful things, I would encourage you to read over past ones. Especially if you’re currently struggling with feeling thankful. It reminds me of God’s work in my life, and of the joy of being His child.
That is why I have tried to be very intentional in writing about how God relates to a thankful thing. Whether in His provision, or timing, or love, etc., it is tantamount to see Him in each of my thankful things, as that is where my true joy and satisfaction is found. That God whom I am so thankful to, is sovereign over every area and aspect of my life. No matter what I am going through, I can know and trust that it is in His hands for not only His glory, but also for the good of His children. With each thankful thing that I write and relate to Him, this truth is driven more fully into my heart. It is an incredibly relieving and joy-filled experience.
I have found this a little harder to do in my marriage. Not because God is less involved, but because it is easy for my focus to close in upon my husband and what he is doing. It can be easy to be thankful only to my husband, and not to God. This is dangerous - my husband is not my god, and isn’t worthy of God’s praise. That doesn’t mean that I can’t be thankful to my husband (how damaging not to be!) - just not thankful only to my husband. Ultimately, my thankfulness is due unto God.
This revelation, too, is an important one for my marriage; the more I am thankful to God for the things in my marriage, the more I trust Him. If I am thankful only to my husband, then I start to place my trust only in my husband - and if you’ve been in any relationship very long, you know that the other person is not perfect, and will betray your trust (willingly or unwittingly) at some point.
God never will. Even when we don’t understand it, we can rest in the knowledge that Romans 8:28-31 imparts to us: “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren; and these whom He predestined, He also called; and these whom He called, He also justified; and these whom He justified, He also glorified. What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us?”
My husband and I live in a small town about 25 minutes from the nearest town in which there are any job opportunities. We live about 40 minutes away from where I work. His parents live in the nearer town, and let us keep a car there so that we can carpool for the first 25 minutes, as that town is on the way to pretty much anywhere else for us.
So, each day, my husband, son, and I spend at least 50 minutes in the car together; 25 minutes to town, and 25 back. Our son is almost two and doesn’t do a whole lot of talking, yet, so he sits mostly content in the back, with the occasional, “tractor!” shout. (There are many tractors on the way, as they are constructing another two-lane section of road.) My husband and I use that time to catch up, to listen to audiobooks together, and even to talk out areas of conflict.
I am thankful that we carpool together, that it is a guaranteed available time for us to spend together. We don’t always spend it as wisely as we should, perhaps favoring the audiobook over resolving issues, but it is always there to be used. Even though I wish we didn’t live so far out, I am glad that God has used it to give us this time together. It has been invaluable for our marriage, and it is a good lesson that we will need to be very intentional about our time together if and when we do get the chance to move.
My husband and I had a bit of a disagreement last morning. I was angry. By God’s grace I kept it under wraps enough to discuss the issues at hand with him. I had submitted to an earlier decision of his - in so much as I didn’t physically go against it - but I certainly had a poor attitude about it.
It helped to sit down with him and talk out what was happening and why. He was very patient with me - even as I was unjustly angry with him. He gently admonished me, and told me what he disagreed with me about. I tried to be a godly example as I discussed why I disagreed with him, but fell far short of the mark.
After a good forty-minute spousal conference with him, I was finally able to see things as they were and to confess my sin of anger and pride to him. Through the course of our conversation, he was able to see some areas of improvement in his own manner, and we were both in a better place. I am thankful for spousal conferences, that, given some godly rules, we can come together and resolve our conflicts. We live daily in the mercy of the Lord’s good grace.
I hadn’t been able to spend much time with my husband yesterday, as we made the little man tradeoff when I arrived at our “second home” from work, and he left for school. When he returned, we left for home and our bed. We stopped briefly at the post office and I got a kiss in. I felt a flash of thankfulness as I got that kiss in; it was the closest thing I would likely have that night to spending time with him.
Kisses can be used for a great many things. There are hello kisses, goodbye kisses, passionate kisses, I-love-you kisses, on-the-go kisses... you get the idea. This was an on-the-go / I-love-you kiss, which I seem to use often of late. It’s my way of telling him that I love him, because I just can’t tell him enough. I am glad to be married to him.
I thank the Lord for giving us kisses, that they are a more intimate way of showing our love. Whether on my son’s cheek or my husband’s lips, I enjoy the love expressed in kisses.
When I was growing up, my dad would get up around 5 or 5:30 a.m. (I’m not actually sure when as I was never up at that time unless absolutely necessary). This meant that by the time I got up (usually 6:30 on weekdays at that time), the house had already been readied for the day: the window shades were all open with sun pouring in, the fire had been stoked and more wood added if it was cold, etc. On weekends, my parents would occasionally turn up the music on their living room speakers (my bedroom shared the wall) and rock out to some AC/DC or some such while making breakfast around 8-8:30 a.m. I loved it. I love waking up to hearing (or seeing) other people already enjoying being up.
Now that I’m the parent, and my husband doesn’t get up at 5:30 a.m., I find myself missing that. It takes discipline to be the first person up, and to get the house ready for the day. To walk out to the cold dark room and open the windows to let in some sun, or turn up the heater (I don’t have a fireplace like my parents did), or put on some music. (Yes, Mom and Dad, I definitely appreciate you!)
Waking up to other people enjoying themselves is, for me, the equivalent of snuggling up on the couch with a cup of hot cocoa and a book on a rainy fall day. My husband and I get up at pretty much the same time, and whoever doesn’t get to the bathroom first generally waits in bed until its available. I had a particularly difficult time this morning with the idea of getting up first. I hadn’t had much time to mull it over before my husband, without a word, hopped out of bed. It seemed much sooner than usual. I felt an immediate flash of thankfulness as he did so. He wasn’t going to let the sun in, etc. before I made it out of bed, but even that he was first out of bed helped to take off the pressure that I felt in getting up first. He would already be up and about when I got up. It was wonderful.
I am thankful that my husband got up first this morning, and that God knew it would minister to me. The Lord knows my thoughts and desires, and I enjoyed His gift this morning.
Our almost two-year-old is busier than most. He’s constantly on the go, and doesn’t like to sit still, even to eat. If eating requires sitting still... he’d rather not eat. This makes dinnertime interesting for our family, as he’s not happy in the high chair for long. I’m usually about not half-way done with my own food by the time he fervently proclaims “Done!” several times in quick succession before whining. Our attempts at teaching him patience have not yet borne much fruit.
Almost invariably at this point, (after what patience we have instilled in him has been strained to its limits) my sweet husband will stop eating his dinner and take care of our son in order to protect my own dinnertime. I am truly thankful for this, as it grants me a little time to relax and catch my breath. It's a bit like having permission to tend to my own “needs” for a few minutes before relieving my husband to finish his own dinner.
The Lord continues to impress the importance of communication to me in my marriage, and I realized that this was a desire I had communicated (once) to my husband very near the beginning of our son’s life. He has been faithful to provide me that time ever since - even to ask others to care for our son during that time if he is gone. It’s a bit of a break that I truly appreciate, and I am thankful for this gift of the Lord’s through my husband.
