Weekly Impressions - Selfishness and Pride

A friend of mine said recently said that “Marriage teaches you that you’re selfish.  Parenthood teaches you that you’re narcissistic.”  This is so true.

One of my greatest battles with selfishness is fought over expectations.  If I have no expectations for my time, then I often have no problem tending to my son while he’s being fussy.  However, if I am expecting to get something done, I can get frustrated rather quickly.

In most things, (assuming I’m not being really selfish) I can backpedal as soon as I realize that my expectations are the issue.  Few things are truly more important than caring for my son.  Even if my expectations aren’t met, when I compare that with a Big Picture Check, I can refocus on what is important and reprioritize my time.  However, when my expectations are in regard to my needs - for instance, to eat, or sleep, or go to the bathroom, or something that I think I need - it’s a bit more difficult.

At that point, it is imperative that I talk to God about what needs to happen.  Perhaps the need is legitimate and immediate.  I may be able to ask for help (something that I often forget to do), or perhaps it’s time to put James somewhere he won’t hurt himself while I care for myself.  Or, perhaps the need isn’t as big as I’m making it, and I am sinning against God by putting myself first, instead of Him by serving His purpose.  Perhaps I am being called upon to sacrifice my needs for the moment to carry out God’s care for another.

This is the battle that often seems so grey and cloudy, but, in truth, is as clear as a sin issue.  God is teaching me how to recognize these moments so that I can repent and see the truth of the matter.  When I confront my sin with the truth, and I call upon God for His help, it is much easier to change my attitude to one of humility.

I pray that God continues to reveal my selfishness to me.  This can be a painful process, though a good one.  This is why I also pray that I remember to live in His Grace, lest I fall prey to my pride in thinking that I should be good enough to have this down by now.