Weekly Impressions - I Just Wish...

I just wish… I just want… if only… these seem to be my greatest adversaries at the moment.  The thought is not sinful in and of itself, but to dwell in a place of wishes, wants, and ifs can be.  It is the trickiest of the paths that lead me to the pit of depression.

I just wish that the trim and finishing touches were all complete on my house.  I just want to spend more time with my husband.  If only I lived closer to town.  These subjects are probably my three most dangerous areas of thought right now.

I am thankful that God has brought me to recognize when I begin to look down into that pit, rather than once I am in its depths.  However, even when looking down into it, I can find it difficult to turn away.  It is, of course, all about my focus.

It is fun to dream and to think of what one could or would do with this or that.  Too much focus on that, however, begins to pull God off of the throne of my heart.  The more I wish it, the less I wish to remain under God’s sovereign will, and the less trust I place in His sovereign will.  The more I wish it, the more I begin to say, “I know better than God,” and even “Either God isn’t sovereign, or He doesn’t know best.”

Proverbs 3:5 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.”

God really does know best.  He has a personal relationship with each of His children and works all things for the good of His children according to His purpose:  to make us more like Christ (Romans 8:28-30).  That may mean pain… change often does.

Pain itself is not a bad thing.

I can’t stress that enough.  It seems that pain - whether emotional or physical - is what our society fears the most, and yet, pain is often the very thing that God uses to conform us to the image of His Son.  Pain is nothing more than God’s tool.  I don’t have to fear it - “Do not fear those who kill the body but are unable to kill the soul; but rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.” (Matthew 10:28)

When I wish for something, I must also remember that God is in control.  I can “…make my request known to God.” (Philippians 4:6)  He is the One who saved me from Death, and He is the One who gives me joy in this life.  He has forgiven me all my transgressions, and “…there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” (Romans 8:1)  None.

I respect Him, I fear Him, I love Him, and He loves me enough to make me more like His Son.  He is all-knowing, all-powerful, and everywhere; I have nothing else to fear in the midst of His perfect love (1 John 4:18).