As my husband continues in biblical counseling, he is learning more and more about how to lead. The latest area he has been learning about is that of a wife’s duties. How is this pertinent to him? He needs to know what is appropriate to expect of me.
His standard in regard to the house is pretty low (by his own admission), which leaves me to my own standards. However, I hadn’t realized how... well... stressful that was for me. Not necessarily because my own standards were too high, but because I didn’t know what was expected of me.
Today (with the start of my monthly), my emotions were pretty haywire and I had quite a bit of trouble reining them in. I was also quite tired, and really didn’t want to work on the house while I tended to my little two-year-old man. I struggle at times with whether or not this is an issue of laziness, or that my chronic issues are calling for a needed timeout. These, and a couple other factors, led to a tearful breakdown this morning.
My husband came and held me, and I communicated to him the above issues that I was struggling with. He helped me to take one step at a time, and to pull back from my scattered wits and see God. He came up with a reasonable chore or two, and communicated those expectations well. It was then that I truly relaxed. Not to say that this was the reason that I hadn’t been relaxed, but knowing exactly what was expected and that it was well within my current abilities - hurting and tired or not - was a very nice place to be.
My Savior has been working through my husband in a big way through leadership, and I am very thankful for that. I pray that our understanding of one another (and of God) continues to increase and bear God’s fruit.
In his endeavor to lead our family, my husband has asked me for a list of the chores that I would like to get done (specifically on the house) and the reason why I would like to do them (including my set time frames, etc.) For the most part, they were fairly self-explanatory, but the exercise helped me to get a bit of practice at telling him my desire behind the desire, so-to-speak.
For example, I desire to vacuum once a week because it makes it take less time to vacuum, since the dirt hasn’t had as much time to settle. The desire behind this, of course, is that I desire a clean home, because I desire to honor God and a healthy environment for my family. There’s quite a trail there to get to the root desire, and the more I follow those trails back, the better I can communicate my desires to my husband, and the better opportunity he has to take those into Consideration, and to lead our family well.
After discussing my list with him - and the desires behind it - he has begun to help me here and there with chores (score!). He will plan our time so that I have a little time to get a few done, and he helps me so that we can make the most of our time. We are working together. It has really become less that he’s helping me and more that I’m helping him - which is exactly the way it should be. Not that I don’t have responsibility, but that he is truly the one in charge and directing our family.
I am thankful for his help with chores, for the love he shows through it, and for the unity we experience in it. I thank the Lord for His work in my husband, and I pray that my focus remains steadfast in serving my Savior through serving my husband, lest I place my goals or my husband on the throne of my heart instead of God.
My husband has been working on how best to lead our family, and made the decision to use Daylight Saving to help us get up and running earlier in the day. So, instead of getting up an hour “later,” we have gotten up at the “same” time. There are a few adjustments that aren’t as desirable, but he has taken my concerns into consideration, and we are finding ways to make things work.
So far, it has worked pretty well, and our mornings are far less rushed. I can get a couple quick chores done in the morning - which he will help with, if possible - and then we can be on our way with our little man. Mornings are not an easy thing for me, and Daylight Saving has made it easier, since I’m still getting up at the “same” time (an hour earlier) and have a far less rushed morning to start the day.
I am thankful for the way my husband decided to use Daylight Saving, and for the way God is using it in our lives. What is God using in your marriage?
My husband and I have been working on our communication with one another. Part of that has been (for me) to realize that he wants to hear my desires so that he can take them into consideration in his decisions. That consideration is a huge blessing, both in the assurance that my husband cares, and in the effect his knowledge of my desires has on his decisions.
I am thankful for his consideration, and that it is born of my Savior’s grace at work in my husband’s heart. I am thankful that my husband is stepping up and learning more about how to lead our family, and that he is also being sensitive to our needs within that.
My husband has been making an effort of late to check in with me to see what I want to do - what I want to get done, if I want to rest, my priorities, and my desires in general. It has been nice, as his motive is to take responsibility and lead our family in our activities and time.
Our main struggle has been in our definition of terms, and realizing what we are actually asking of one another. For instance, when he asks me what I want to do, he isn’t really asking what I’d like to accomplish that day, he’s asking what my desires are behind the tasks that I want to accomplish. It’s twisting my brain around a bit, as I don’t usually think that way. It’s good exercise.
I am thankful that he checks in with me, and that God uses that to refine our communication. I pray that we continue to know one another better, and to improve in the area of communication - and thus, in our unity.
Today was my husband’s birthday, and from the moment I realized it in the morning, my perspective changed as to how the day “should” go. I immediately sought what he wanted over what I wanted. It was his day.
That brings up the question in my mind... why don’t I do that every day? Doesn’t the Bible say to “...regard one another as more important than yourselves...”? (Philippians 2:3) It gave me a tangible application as to what that might look like: like the way I treat him on his birthday.
This does, of course, have its limits. There are certain things that it’s okay to “shun” for a day for the sake of a celebration that shouldn’t be “shunned” on a regular basis. Chores, for instance. Yet even those should be subject to my husband’s priorities - ours align in that regard, thanks to communication, but the principle remains.
I thank the Lord that my husband lives with me “...in an understanding way...” (1 Peter 3:7) and usually reciprocates that regard of me as more important than himself. His servant leadership is a tremendous help to our marriage, and I appreciate the example to follow. I am also glad that the Lord revealed the contrast of my attitude from that of a normal day, and pray that He gives me wisdom in the application of the principle.
My husband and I both enjoy video games - especially when we get to play together. Not only do we get to play something we love together, but we get to work together toward a common goal. In a way, I can work on submitting to him and being his helper in working toward his goals, and he can practice servant-leadership in helping to accomplish my goals. It makes for an interesting (and fun!) dynamic.
Not that we’re necessarily bearing that in mind at all times during the course of our play, but it does come into play, so to speak. It’s another reminder that, as christians, our world view really does affect everything that we do. All things are for the glory of God.
May that mindset and the knowledge of His will seep ever deeper into my life, that I may, indeed, reflect His glory.
