Saturday, August 10, 2013

Weekly Impressions - No Less My Savior

I have dealt with chronic pain virtually since I can remember living.  I think that pain is part of the reason that I cling to God so tightly; His profound, sometimes unfathomable, will is an important part of my life.  As one lives in chronic pain, one begins to be familiar with types of pain and how they play out.  Some may last a split second and others days; some are dull, some are sharp; some make sense, and others don’t.  One begins to understand the warning signs, if any, and to adjust accordingly to live as “normally” as possible.

The numbness that has developed in my arms is a relatively new type of pain, as such, seems to be a new and worse phase.  Honestly, it’s a little scary.  It isn’t quite like any of the other pains that I’m familiar with, and it feels as though a timer has begun ticking.  Upon reaching zero, I may permanently lose my sense of touch.  Note, this has not been validated yet, it’s simply the feeling that I get.  I have a responsibility to try to get better, but - medical issues aside - I find that this new threat is disturbing my peace in God.

I think that I know what to do in my spiritual walk, for the most part.  I need to give up control to God, and to rest in the knowledge of His good will.  No matter what I do, His will is going to be accomplished... and I have to be okay with His will if it means that I will, indeed, permanently lose feeling in my arms.  There are moments when I achieve that peace, and there are moments when I struggle to let the issue rest in God’s hands.  

Although it feels like things have changed in the physical sense - which they may have - things have not changed in the spiritual sense.  God is no less good, and His will is no more in danger of being thwarted.  I am no less His child, and He is no less my Savior.  I still have everything to thank Him for.

I think that’s the easiest thing to lose sight of:  just how much He has done for me, and that this is simply more of that same goodness.  It’s hard to see goodness in the midst of our own affliction - but I guarantee you that it’s there.  I thank the Lord that He isn’t safe... but He’s good.

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