Psalm 104:34
“Let my meditation be pleasing to Him; As for me, I shall be glad in the LORD.”
I keep writing about my son. It might be because babies require your world to revolve around them for a little while. Or because he’s just so darn cute. I don’t know, I’m torn. Either way, God has been showing me through raising my son just how selfish I am.
My previous awareness of this trait was obtuse at best. Most people don’t think of me as selfish. Not to beat a dead horse into the ground, but I am confronted once again with where I place my focus. I wonder sometimes at God’s infinite patience with me as He has to remind me over and over again... and then again. My focus is naturally on myself (as it is with all of us). It didn’t seem that way at first, but as God is taking me deeper into a relationship with Him, the Holy Spirit is opening my eyes wider and wider... literally, at times.
My previous awareness of this trait was obtuse at best. Most people don’t think of me as selfish. Not to beat a dead horse into the ground, but I am confronted once again with where I place my focus. I wonder sometimes at God’s infinite patience with me as He has to remind me over and over again... and then again. My focus is naturally on myself (as it is with all of us). It didn’t seem that way at first, but as God is taking me deeper into a relationship with Him, the Holy Spirit is opening my eyes wider and wider... literally, at times.
I don’t particularly care to be shown my faults. I’m not usually the type to retaliate, but any human being feels at least a little lesser when confronted with their ugly side (unless they’re proud of it, in which case they’re a fool). Which, to be frank, is the point. I am lesser because of my sins, and I cannot be more without my Savior, Jesus Christ.
For the sake of my own comprehension, I am having to see myself as unchanged with Jesus Christ, and only made more once in Jesus Christ. I am not a co-pilot. I am not equal with God. I only have strength and worth when I am in God’s will - and that, not of myself.
This is why God has been pushing me toward Meditation, to use as a tool to take my focus off of myself and to center it on God. I am having to constantly check my focus, which often flings my faults into my face, which means I have to fight my selfish response, which means I’m often fighting a poor attitude... until I can wrest my focus from myself and center it on God (through His power).
How awesome is it that He grants us the strength to live in Him and thereby do His will? To live in Christ is Victory.
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