Weekly Impressions - Submission

1 Peter 3:1a

“In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands...”

This journey of thankfulness has taught me that, to be thankful, my focus must be on God.  As I have put more focus on Him, He has shown me more of what it means to be in His will.  

One mission I have had from childhood is to be a great helper.  I am often looking for an opportunity to come alongside a person to make a task more efficient - whether that’s getting them organized, handing them tools, or taking on tasks for them.  I would say that I do a decent job of it.  However, as a wife, I am finding that the dynamic is a little different.  God has shown me that I am not as submissive as I thought I was.

In today’s society, I know that we women tend to cringe at that word:  submission.  “I’m not a doormat!” you shout.

That’s right.  You’re not.  God never intended you to be.  If He had wanted a doormat for your husband... he would have given your husband a doormat - not a flesh and blood woman to come alongside him.

My understanding of submission was that I was to follow my husband in whatever final decision he made.  That isn’t wrong - but God has shown me that there is so much more to it than that.  

An example would be chores around the house.  In my own mind, I want to be able to have all the chores on the house done, and I’m better at doing them than my husband (and at multi-tasking), so it makes sense to me that I do most of them.  It’s just easier that way.  So I create a plan and a schedule to accomplish my goal.  The problem is that, at this point, I haven’t consulted my husband about my plan or goal.  I don’t know what his plans, goals, or expectations are, because I haven’t asked yet.  

Submission for the wife in marriage, is for the wife to submit to the husband’s goals and plans so that he can lead the family.  If my plans or goals get in the way of his, I am no longer submitting to his leadership - I am claiming leadership myself.  If I haven’t consulted him about my plans, we can’t work together toward them because I never give him the opportunity to.  I end up trying to lead him toward my schedule.

The key switch in my thinking thus far has been that all aspects of our home and household are ultimately his responsibility.  For instance, it is his responsibility that the chores get done.  I like how that sounds.  However, that also means, that it is his responsibility to choose priorities, etc.  (“Cleaning the shower is not as important as [fill in the blank].”)  

A husband’s priorities will inevitably differ from a wife’s.  Here is where I can allow him to be a servant leader.  I inform him of what my priorities are so that he can take them into consideration.  No doormat policy.  I can’t say “Whatever you want, Honey.”  That does a disservice to both of us.  At this point, he can choose to serve me by prioritizing what I prioritize.  However, if I don’t give him that chance, I am simply leading and not submitting.  That, of course, takes trust.

But where is my trust ultimately?  In God.  God is the one who planned this all out for husbands and wives.  So even if my husband decides not to prioritize the things that I do, I am still to trust God and submit to my husband’s plans.  Without bitterness.

“Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father.”  (Colossians 3:17)

Taking on the martyr attitude doesn’t help anyone.  Complaining about it doesn’t help anyone.  I am to give thanks to God.  This isn’t always easy, but “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.”  (Philippians 4:13)  I love that God is always there to help us do what He asks.