Weekly Impressions - Pain and Grace

My greatest spiritual battle lately has been to keep a thankful attitude through my chronic pain.  I’m not sure about others, but my chronic pain seems to ebb and flow in different phases of higher or lesser pain.  This is a higher pain phase.  The game has changed, a little, too, in that numbness has entered into the equation, which I didn’t expect, as it hadn’t made a real appearance in the past twenty years.  I think it will be awhile before I’m really “used to” that in the same way that I’m “used to” the pain.  I know, though, that God is good through it all.

The easiest and quickest way to keep my thoughts from apathy has been to pull back and look at the Big Picture.  As FFH said it in their song “It’s a Good Day”:

Say, “Hey, it’s a good day.
“Even if things aren’t going my way.”
Jesus is Lord and I am saved, so
Say “Hey, it’s a good day!”

This helps me to relax and know that it’s in God’s hands - a very good place for it to be.  However, I then begin to dwell on whether or not I’m doing everything that I should be or need to be.  If I can come up with a plan, this isn’t a bad avenue to pursue.  Barring that, it often leads down the path of anxiety.  This is where the Rubber Meets the Road - I have to choose to focus on what I am thankful for, rather than try to take control.

I am thankful for this wisdom, but I pray for the strength and endurance to carry it out.  The beginning is always the hardest.  If I can get started down the right path (thankfulness), it will get easier as I continue in it.  Yet the reverse is true, too.  The more I let myself follow the path of anxiety, the harder it will be to turn away from it.

I find myself seeking Distraction a lot when I come up against the hard spiritual battles, like being thankful instead of anxious.  A little isn’t bad as a tool, but I find myself defaulting to it - and that’s just avoiding the issue altogether.  Being thankful won’t be any easier if I don’t practice.  So... here’s me practicing.  Even choosing to write my blog in the midst of this is practice.

I am thankful for My Husband, who cares for me; for Our Son, and the smiles he brings; for Air Conditioning, that I don’t have to suffer from the heat outside; and for Our Car, that we can travel to our in-laws for dinner and help with the little man (almost two now!).  I am thankful for Water and its cleansing of my body; for God’s Promises that I can lean on; for God’s Love, that He’s willing to do the hard things for our good; and for God’s Grace that He grants us to make it through each day.

My hope is not in healing and that I won’t have to suffer, but in God, who is willing to let me suffer that I might grow and bring Him glory through it.  His yoke is easy, and His burden is light (Matthew 11:30); all I really have to do is concentrate on Him.  He’s the one doing the hard work of the orchestration of each day for each and every one of His children, ever with the purpose of their good and His glory in mind.  This pain may not be “easy” to deal with, but God will never give me more than He can handle.Tweet

That’s part of His grace:  He will never give me more than He can handle.  He doesn’t leave me to handle it on my own.  He is right there with me, Teaching me how to rely upon Him.  I thank the Lord for always working on my behalf, right here with me “in the ditches.”

Refrigerators

Refrigerators are one of those everyday things that I take for granted.  We don’t eat at our own house very often, since we pay grocery money to our in-laws and they make us dinner (score!).  This means that what food we purchase and eat at home stays there awhile... and thus requires the use of a refrigerator.  This means that I actually have food if I need it when I get home.  Like the little man’s milk.  Important stuff.

I am thankful for God’s blessing of a refrigerator, that our food lasts longer, and that we don’t have to go to the store every day.  I’m so glad that God provides conveniences, too!

Breaks

It’s been a little over a year since I started this blog, and even when I’ve missed a day or two, I’ve been diligent to catch up.  This past week, I came down with a nasty cold, and missed a day.  Then I realized that this was actually a great time for me to take a break.  So I decided to take a week off.

It’s actually been nice for more than the extra time to rest.  I realized that I’ve been lax during the portion of the day when I’m not writing my blog.  During the twenty minutes or so that I actually write, I focus on being thankful.  It’s true that taking a little time every day to focus on thankfulness to God has been very valuable, but I’ve been remiss to take what I learn during that time and really practice it through the rest of the day.

I think I need to set up some reminders for myself in some key places to help me continue a focus on thankfulness to God.  That was part of the idea in the first place:  to learn to be thankful in everything (or all circumstances).  (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

I am thankful for the break that I took - for the rest and wisdom that God granted.  I pray for the self-discipline to shift my focus constantly and consistently toward Christ and His perfect gifts.  That is part of the Joy of a Christ-follower.

Electronic Documents

When applying for a loan (or a refinance), or when applying for Medi-Cal, they request a substantial amount of documents and documentation.  The good news?  Most of it is accessible electronically!  It still takes awhile to gather it all, but I can sit down at my computer, log into each type of account, and print out the statements, paystubs, etc. that they request.  I can even send them electronically, if they so desire.

I honestly haven’t gotten around to filing for quite some time.  When I’m not doing things that need to be done, I generally do things that I want to do... and that hasn’t included filing almost since my son was born.  It’s pretty bad.  And yet, I haven’t needed much from that ever-growing pile, since I’ve been able to retrieve most of those documents electronically.  Accessible and a time-saver.

I am thankful for electronic documents, that even though I should have been filing everything, God has shown me some of His grace in that I haven’t had to.  I still plan to do it, and have done tiny bits here and there.  In the meantime, however, God has allowed me to do other things without great consequence.  For this, I am grateful.

Simplicity

2 Corinthians 11:3

“But I am afraid that, as the serpent deceived Eve by his craftiness, your minds will be led astray from the simplicity and purity of devotion to Christ.”

Too easily, I get bogged down in what I see as the complexities of a life in Christ.  I consider Wisdom and how it adapts to a situation.  I can’t keep track of all of the do this ifs, and don’t do that ifs, and the exceptions to every rule.  Yet in reality, what is the one true guide to following Christ?

Luke 10:27

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself.”

Just two “rules.”  That’s it.  And really, it’s one rule:  Love.  Not the love that panders to every whim and tries to make everyone “happy.”  The kind of hard core love that is willing to do the hard things - what’s best - for the recipient.  It doesn’t mention self, either, except to compare how I should love others.  Lord knows that I focus on myself often enough.  

It also says all.  All my heart, all my soul, all my strength, and all my mind.  I am to give my all to Christ, and that is a portrayal of pure devotion... of simplicity.  All is a lot of effort - it’s everything.  So perhaps simple isn’t easy, but at least it’s straightforward.  It's also Intentional.

I am thankful for simplicity, that God boils down the “whole law and the prophets” (Matthew 22:40 in reference to the same incident) in those two commandments of love.  I pray that I would hold on to that concept, and that when things seem so complicated, I would ask myself the question:  how can I love God and my “neighbor” in this situation?  What would best portray God, and be best for my neighbor?

Borrowing

I found a Pattern on Ravelry.com for a hat that I really like.  I had everything that I needed to start it, but not to finish it.  It’s a good thing I know people.  They come in quite handy, you know.

For awhile, I had despaired of knitting hats, because I had had trouble with the double-pointed needles.  I picked up my “abandoned” hat project over Vacation and discovered that it was no longer such an issue.  This opens up an entirely new world of possibilities within my Knitting hobby.  It does, however, require more needles, which require money, which is a bit tight at the moment.

Enter the borrowing - with permission, of course.  Friends are quite wonderful that way, especially ones who share the same hobby.  (They give helpful advice!)  I am thankful to have friends who share my hobby, and that one not only had the item I needed, but was more than willing to lend it.  I see God’s love through it.  Not simply because of the love that my friend exhibits in the lending, but that through God’s orchestration, I received a Small Desire.  I hope to finish the hat tomorrow!

Weekly Impressions - The Small Choices

I wish I could hold on to the knowledge and wisdom and focus of God at all times.  It is very easy, however, to lose that focus - quite possibly more so in the small things of life than in the storms.  The very fact that I don’t hold that focus at all times is the reason that I need to grow and practice Self-discipline within its view.  The more often that I practice that focus, the easier it will become to continue in that focus.

Wishing has its place, but I can’t let it stop there; mere wishing is futile.  I can direct the desire behind that wish to fuel my discipline.  That’s when wishing becomes useful; use the energy of your desire to further your goal.  Put your wish into action.  I yearn to use it to further my goal, so powerful is the wish - the hunger for Him.  

The wish, however, much like the focus, is not always there.  This is where I have the power of choice, and each choice directs my path, no matter how small.  I can choose to turn my head toward temptation or not.  Proverbs 4:25-27 paints that picture for me:  

“Let your eyes look directly ahead

And let your gaze be fixed straight in front of you.

Watch the path of your feet

And all your ways will be established.

Do not turn to the right nor to the left;

Turn your foot from evil.”

I am a creature born in sin, but thanks to my Savior Jesus Christ, that sin no longer binds me; He provides “the way of escape[.]” (1 Corinthians 10:13c)

I pray for His wisdom in my choices - especially the small ones - and that I might better hone my wishing desires toward accomplishing my ultimate goal of a life lived in Christ.  May my awareness of where I place my feet on my path increase.