Weekly Impressions - Pain and Grace

My greatest spiritual battle lately has been to keep a thankful attitude through my chronic pain.  I’m not sure about others, but my chronic pain seems to ebb and flow in different phases of higher or lesser pain.  This is a higher pain phase.  The game has changed, a little, too, in that numbness has entered into the equation, which I didn’t expect, as it hadn’t made a real appearance in the past twenty years.  I think it will be awhile before I’m really “used to” that in the same way that I’m “used to” the pain.  I know, though, that God is good through it all.

The easiest and quickest way to keep my thoughts from apathy has been to pull back and look at the Big Picture.  As FFH said it in their song “It’s a Good Day”:

Say, “Hey, it’s a good day.
“Even if things aren’t going my way.”
Jesus is Lord and I am saved, so
Say “Hey, it’s a good day!”

This helps me to relax and know that it’s in God’s hands - a very good place for it to be.  However, I then begin to dwell on whether or not I’m doing everything that I should be or need to be.  If I can come up with a plan, this isn’t a bad avenue to pursue.  Barring that, it often leads down the path of anxiety.  This is where the Rubber Meets the Road - I have to choose to focus on what I am thankful for, rather than try to take control.

I am thankful for this wisdom, but I pray for the strength and endurance to carry it out.  The beginning is always the hardest.  If I can get started down the right path (thankfulness), it will get easier as I continue in it.  Yet the reverse is true, too.  The more I let myself follow the path of anxiety, the harder it will be to turn away from it.

I find myself seeking Distraction a lot when I come up against the hard spiritual battles, like being thankful instead of anxious.  A little isn’t bad as a tool, but I find myself defaulting to it - and that’s just avoiding the issue altogether.  Being thankful won’t be any easier if I don’t practice.  So... here’s me practicing.  Even choosing to write my blog in the midst of this is practice.

I am thankful for My Husband, who cares for me; for Our Son, and the smiles he brings; for Air Conditioning, that I don’t have to suffer from the heat outside; and for Our Car, that we can travel to our in-laws for dinner and help with the little man (almost two now!).  I am thankful for Water and its cleansing of my body; for God’s Promises that I can lean on; for God’s Love, that He’s willing to do the hard things for our good; and for God’s Grace that He grants us to make it through each day.

My hope is not in healing and that I won’t have to suffer, but in God, who is willing to let me suffer that I might grow and bring Him glory through it.  His yoke is easy, and His burden is light (Matthew 11:30); all I really have to do is concentrate on Him.  He’s the one doing the hard work of the orchestration of each day for each and every one of His children, ever with the purpose of their good and His glory in mind.  This pain may not be “easy” to deal with, but God will never give me more than He can handle.Tweet

That’s part of His grace:  He will never give me more than He can handle.  He doesn’t leave me to handle it on my own.  He is right there with me, Teaching me how to rely upon Him.  I thank the Lord for always working on my behalf, right here with me “in the ditches.”

Refrigerators

Refrigerators are one of those everyday things that I take for granted.  We don’t eat at our own house very often, since we pay grocery money to our in-laws and they make us dinner (score!).  This means that what food we purchase and eat at home stays there awhile... and thus requires the use of a refrigerator.  This means that I actually have food if I need it when I get home.  Like the little man’s milk.  Important stuff.

I am thankful for God’s blessing of a refrigerator, that our food lasts longer, and that we don’t have to go to the store every day.  I’m so glad that God provides conveniences, too!

Breaks

It’s been a little over a year since I started this blog, and even when I’ve missed a day or two, I’ve been diligent to catch up.  This past week, I came down with a nasty cold, and missed a day.  Then I realized that this was actually a great time for me to take a break.  So I decided to take a week off.

It’s actually been nice for more than the extra time to rest.  I realized that I’ve been lax during the portion of the day when I’m not writing my blog.  During the twenty minutes or so that I actually write, I focus on being thankful.  It’s true that taking a little time every day to focus on thankfulness to God has been very valuable, but I’ve been remiss to take what I learn during that time and really practice it through the rest of the day.

I think I need to set up some reminders for myself in some key places to help me continue a focus on thankfulness to God.  That was part of the idea in the first place:  to learn to be thankful in everything (or all circumstances).  (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

I am thankful for the break that I took - for the rest and wisdom that God granted.  I pray for the self-discipline to shift my focus constantly and consistently toward Christ and His perfect gifts.  That is part of the Joy of a Christ-follower.

Electronic Documents

When applying for a loan (or a refinance), or when applying for Medi-Cal, they request a substantial amount of documents and documentation.  The good news?  Most of it is accessible electronically!  It still takes awhile to gather it all, but I can sit down at my computer, log into each type of account, and print out the statements, paystubs, etc. that they request.  I can even send them electronically, if they so desire.

I honestly haven’t gotten around to filing for quite some time.  When I’m not doing things that need to be done, I generally do things that I want to do... and that hasn’t included filing almost since my son was born.  It’s pretty bad.  And yet, I haven’t needed much from that ever-growing pile, since I’ve been able to retrieve most of those documents electronically.  Accessible and a time-saver.

I am thankful for electronic documents, that even though I should have been filing everything, God has shown me some of His grace in that I haven’t had to.  I still plan to do it, and have done tiny bits here and there.  In the meantime, however, God has allowed me to do other things without great consequence.  For this, I am grateful.

Simplicity

2 Corinthians 11:3

“But I am afraid that, as the serpent deceived Eve by his craftiness, your minds will be led astray from the simplicity and purity of devotion to Christ.”

Too easily, I get bogged down in what I see as the complexities of a life in Christ.  I consider Wisdom and how it adapts to a situation.  I can’t keep track of all of the do this ifs, and don’t do that ifs, and the exceptions to every rule.  Yet in reality, what is the one true guide to following Christ?

Luke 10:27

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself.”

Just two “rules.”  That’s it.  And really, it’s one rule:  Love.  Not the love that panders to every whim and tries to make everyone “happy.”  The kind of hard core love that is willing to do the hard things - what’s best - for the recipient.  It doesn’t mention self, either, except to compare how I should love others.  Lord knows that I focus on myself often enough.  

It also says all.  All my heart, all my soul, all my strength, and all my mind.  I am to give my all to Christ, and that is a portrayal of pure devotion... of simplicity.  All is a lot of effort - it’s everything.  So perhaps simple isn’t easy, but at least it’s straightforward.  It's also Intentional.

I am thankful for simplicity, that God boils down the “whole law and the prophets” (Matthew 22:40 in reference to the same incident) in those two commandments of love.  I pray that I would hold on to that concept, and that when things seem so complicated, I would ask myself the question:  how can I love God and my “neighbor” in this situation?  What would best portray God, and be best for my neighbor?

Borrowing

I found a Pattern on Ravelry.com for a hat that I really like.  I had everything that I needed to start it, but not to finish it.  It’s a good thing I know people.  They come in quite handy, you know.

For awhile, I had despaired of knitting hats, because I had had trouble with the double-pointed needles.  I picked up my “abandoned” hat project over Vacation and discovered that it was no longer such an issue.  This opens up an entirely new world of possibilities within my Knitting hobby.  It does, however, require more needles, which require money, which is a bit tight at the moment.

Enter the borrowing - with permission, of course.  Friends are quite wonderful that way, especially ones who share the same hobby.  (They give helpful advice!)  I am thankful to have friends who share my hobby, and that one not only had the item I needed, but was more than willing to lend it.  I see God’s love through it.  Not simply because of the love that my friend exhibits in the lending, but that through God’s orchestration, I received a Small Desire.  I hope to finish the hat tomorrow!

Weekly Impressions - The Small Choices

I wish I could hold on to the knowledge and wisdom and focus of God at all times.  It is very easy, however, to lose that focus - quite possibly more so in the small things of life than in the storms.  The very fact that I don’t hold that focus at all times is the reason that I need to grow and practice Self-discipline within its view.  The more often that I practice that focus, the easier it will become to continue in that focus.

Wishing has its place, but I can’t let it stop there; mere wishing is futile.  I can direct the desire behind that wish to fuel my discipline.  That’s when wishing becomes useful; use the energy of your desire to further your goal.  Put your wish into action.  I yearn to use it to further my goal, so powerful is the wish - the hunger for Him.  

The wish, however, much like the focus, is not always there.  This is where I have the power of choice, and each choice directs my path, no matter how small.  I can choose to turn my head toward temptation or not.  Proverbs 4:25-27 paints that picture for me:  

“Let your eyes look directly ahead

And let your gaze be fixed straight in front of you.

Watch the path of your feet

And all your ways will be established.

Do not turn to the right nor to the left;

Turn your foot from evil.”

I am a creature born in sin, but thanks to my Savior Jesus Christ, that sin no longer binds me; He provides “the way of escape[.]” (1 Corinthians 10:13c)

I pray for His wisdom in my choices - especially the small ones - and that I might better hone my wishing desires toward accomplishing my ultimate goal of a life lived in Christ.  May my awareness of where I place my feet on my path increase.

Vacation

My family and my husband’s parents left this past Sunday to spend six days and five nights at a lake for our vacation.  Without the Hospitality of friends of ours, who let us use their cabin while up here, and without my in-laws’ Servants’ Hearts, I wouldn’t have been able to use my vacation for the very thing that I look forward to in a vacation:  time to devote to hobbies.

In the past, I have focused this time on the christian fantasy novel that I have been writing (since my junior year of high school... I know).  I haven’t had much time to devote to the novel - especially since I began this blog - and have decided to put it on hold for a time.  Since the person who is checking the theological accuracy of my first devotional journal (see Devotional Journals) is not yet finished, there isn’t much I can do to get that printed yet, either.  So... this leaves plenty of time for other hobbies - like Knitting and crocheting.

I have been able to finish a sweater, finish a hat, crochet roughly five headbands, and begin another hat (the pattern for which I found on Ravelry.com with the Hotspot from my iPhone).  I’ve also been able to catch up on a couple of things... chores, really, but I’m glad for the Productivity.  All this, while still able to spend time with my husband and son and enjoy a few games with the in-laws.  It has also allowed me a little time to dwell on God and His goodness; my attitude has seen an improvement. 

I am thankful that the Lord gave my family this vacation!  We leave tomorrow, but I will be glad to see other family and friends once we are back home.  The Lord has given us a nice reprieve before my husband begins a new school year and I head back to work.  I pray that I may continue in His Rest when I return to work.

Good Weather

The weather on our vacation has been beautiful for the past couple of days.  We were originally expecting a high of 70 degrees fahrenheit and a low of 40 during our stay.  However, I haven’t really needed my sweater these past two days.  It’s almost a shame, since I finished knitting my sweater while here - but I’d rather have the beautiful weather now and still be able to sport my sweater later.

Weather is one of those things in which humans across the board actually acknowledge their lack of control.  God seems to have kept it in reserve as a proof positive of His awesome power.  Even some unbelievers will add the caveat “God willing” when they refer to the weather.

I am thankful that God chose to shine His warm sun on us in a place mostly shielded from the wind.  We were even able to take our son to the lake, which would normally have been too cold.  We hadn’t been prepared, but at that age, he’s allowed to skinny-dip and enjoy splashing around.  How can I not be thankful when I choose to open my eyes to all of God’s gifts around me?

Child Harnesses

I know there’s a bit of controversy about these, but we’ve been (half) camping the past few days, and I don’t know what I would have done without a child harness.  My little 21-month-old man loves to walk and climb.  He can wear his parents and grandparents out, even taking turns.  

We decided to attach a retractable dog leash to the harness, and this allows him to go wherever he wants without me having to chase him everywhere.  I can also lock the leash if he’s headed somewhere dangerous.  When I need a rest, I just sit down and let him go (within twenty feet).  So much less stress, and then mommy has more energy to play with, talk to, and teach him.  He’s happy, I’m happy, we’re good!

I am thankful that God orchestrated a child harness into our lives (just before vacation) through the recommendation of my grandmother and the purchase by my husband’s parents.  God’s grace is sufficient, and we appreciate His blessing!  Vacation would be much less of a vacation without it.

Servants' Hearts

We are very blessed by my husband’s parents.  We pay them for groceries, and they make us dinner (and take care of the dishes) every night that we come over.  They also help out considerably with our son.  Now that we’ve joined them on a camping trip for vacation, they are still providing and cooking all of the food and helping out considerably with the grandson.  If they didn’t enjoy it, we wouldn’t take advantage of it - but they really do enjoy it.

I am thankful for servants' hearts, that God has given them to His children.  Not all of His children act that way - at least, not all the time - but we certainly have it available to us.  I pray that I would learn to tap into that gift of a servant’s heart from God more often, and to even discipline myself to do so.  A true servant’s heart is a tremendous blessing to others, and a beautiful reflection of Christ.

Hospitality

We began our first day of vacation today!  Friends of ours in our church are letting us stay at their cabin on the lake, and it such a blessing!  We were originally thinking of camping, but were reticent to do so with our almost two-year-old.  Instead, even though they weren’t able to be here at the same time, they are still allowing us to use all of their facilities.

It’s quite the step up from camping.  It has power, indoor plumbing, a refrigerator and microwave, a deck with a gorgeous view, and an amazing wood-burning stove that doubles as heat for the rooms.  Not only this, but they left it fully stocked for us.  Plenty of toilet paper, towels on the rings, dishes, wood - even food.  When it comes to taking care of a little one, it really does make it immensely easier.  We are so thankful for their hospitality!

I love how God works on behalf of His children, and brings particular people and resources together.  I also love how it is a blessing to be able to be a blessing, as our friends are getting to experience.  I hope that God has a return blessing in store for us to be able to give to them.  The good Lord reigns!

Weekly Impressions - No Less My Savior

I have dealt with chronic pain virtually since I can remember living.  I think that pain is part of the reason that I cling to God so tightly; His profound, sometimes unfathomable, will is an important part of my life.  As one lives in chronic pain, one begins to be familiar with types of pain and how they play out.  Some may last a split second and others days; some are dull, some are sharp; some make sense, and others don’t.  One begins to understand the warning signs, if any, and to adjust accordingly to live as “normally” as possible.

The numbness that has developed in my arms is a relatively new type of pain, as such, seems to be a new and worse phase.  Honestly, it’s a little scary.  It isn’t quite like any of the other pains that I’m familiar with, and it feels as though a timer has begun ticking.  Upon reaching zero, I may permanently lose my sense of touch.  Note, this has not been validated yet, it’s simply the feeling that I get.  I have a responsibility to try to get better, but - medical issues aside - I find that this new threat is disturbing my peace in God.

I think that I know what to do in my spiritual walk, for the most part.  I need to give up control to God, and to rest in the knowledge of His good will.  No matter what I do, His will is going to be accomplished... and I have to be okay with His will if it means that I will, indeed, permanently lose feeling in my arms.  There are moments when I achieve that peace, and there are moments when I struggle to let the issue rest in God’s hands.  

Although it feels like things have changed in the physical sense - which they may have - things have not changed in the spiritual sense.  God is no less good, and His will is no more in danger of being thwarted.  I am no less His child, and He is no less my Savior.  I still have everything to thank Him for.

I think that’s the easiest thing to lose sight of:  just how much He has done for me, and that this is simply more of that same goodness.  It’s hard to see goodness in the midst of our own affliction - but I guarantee you that it’s there.  I thank the Lord that He isn’t safe... but He’s good.

Discussions

I often have a hard time expressing my thoughts and feelings to my husband.  I don’t converse nearly as well as I write.  The words just don’t come - especially the right ones.  As a result, I will often avoid discussion... this is not wise.

Even if I don’t have the right words to say, I need to let my husband know what’s going on in my mind concerning our relationship.  It is incredibly dangerous to not communicate these things, because I will inevitably begin to project thoughts and feelings onto him about my thoughts and feelings.  If I don’t check in with him, I can be way out in left field from what’s really happening, which drastically effects our relationship.

I am thankful for discussion, that God gave us words to communicate with one another to help avoid the creation of unnecessary drama.  Even if that discussion can be difficult at times.  I pray that God helps me to draw upon His courage to ask my husband as soon as I think there might be something amiss.  May we better reflect His image in our marriage.

Nightgowns

I enjoy the silky feel of a nightgown.  I don’t like the cloth ones as much, because they twist up around me in the night as I toss and turn.  That twisting doesn’t seem to matter as much - or happen as much - in the silky gowns.  They’re also nice in the summer to help keep my skin cool, and are far cooler than wearing a robe.

I thank the Lord for nightgowns and the taste of luxury in them.  I will often reward myself with bits of luxury like that if I’ve done well in a discipline.  I have noticed, however, that this practice can make it easy to fall into the point of view that I need those bits of luxury in order to continue in my discipline (whatever that discipline may be).

The truth is, God will sustain me in whatever endeavor He has for me.  If I live for the rewards that I give myself, then, not only do I “need” them more often, but I lose the satisfaction that I find in them.  I want more and more.  Rewards are good, but not if they become my idol.

I thank the Lord that He is our ultimate reward, and for the moments on this earth that are blessings that He gives to us.  I pray for His help to keep my eyes on Him, the true prize and reward, rather than on the blessings that He gives.

Returns & Exchanges

My husband and I recently purchased some hard drives for our church to function as the shared filing system and the backups.  They arrived in the mail today, and when I pulled them out of the main box, I realized that they might not be quite what we had intended to buy.  I ran it past my husband, and indeed, either I had mixed up the order, or we had simply purchased the wrong ones.

Fortunately, I had purchased it from a local store and simply made good use of their Shipping to save some time.  All I had to do was bring the hard drives in and exchange them for the correct ones.  I am so glad that stores allow you to do that, in general.  If it weren’t for returns and exchanges, many of us would be up a creek with accidental purchases or faulty merchandise.

I am thankful for returns and exchanges, that my mistake didn’t cost the church a large sum of money, and that God can now put that money to better use.  God could have provided the extra money had He chosen to, but in a way, I think He showed His mercy in minimizing the effects of my mistake.  Praise the Lord for His Love!

The Same Old Things

In this venture for 1,000 thankful things, I have set my own stipulation of not repeating a thankful thing as the central theme for a post.  That does not, however, mean that I was not thankful for “the same old things” in a given day.  I find myself thankful for some of those things virtually every day, like Love, Grace, and even Trees.  Others arise periodically, like Blossoms, Handwriting, or Cut Flowers (which I just received for my birthday - fresh cut sunflowers from their garden!).

While I enjoy discovering more of God in seeking a new thankful thing for each post, I am also thankful to be able to dwell on the past thankful things.  It’s almost as if each new thankful thing is an arrow that I get to add to my quiver - an arrow that I can always retrieve, because whether I can or not, God always slays the monster.  Whether that monster is worry or depression, anger or bitterness, pride or selfishness.  God will always have the Victory.

Circle of Friends

It seems so strange now to think that I have so many friends.  I never had more real friends than I could count with one hand growing up - maybe two hands in the latter part of high school.  Since joining this “new” church a few years ago, my number of real friends has grown substantially.  I almost don’t know what to do with myself.

Almost.  I enjoy the blessing of their friendship, both the give and take, and that is a true blessing from God.  I am so thankful for this new circle of friends, for their company, their common interests and goals, for their servant’s hearts, and for their love for Christ.  This blessing is indescribable.  The Lord is so good.

I pray the Lord’s blessing upon my circle of friends.  I thank Him for their generosity, their joy, the sharing of experiences with them - for their friendship.  I pray that I am even half the blessing to them that they are to me.

Weekly Impressions - Focus in the Storm

Lord,

I lift up this prayer to You.  I know that You have a reason for the loss of feeling in my arms, and the pain that the two pinched nerves in my neck bring.  I do praise You that I can rely upon Your good will for this trial.  I pray, though, that the time for its presence is drawing to a close.  I pray for Your healing and for Your wisdom.

I find myself a bit nervous, Lord, about what path to take that will lead toward healing - whether through massage, or chiropractic, or doctor, and which to choose.  I know that You know our financial situation, Lord, that we really can't afford any of those paths, if we continue on our current goal.  I know, too, that You will provide for us according to Your good will for Your children.  I pray that You would reveal to us the path that would bring You the most glory.

Lord, I see this pain taxing my strength, and though it is not shaking my faith, it is testing it.  I pray for Your strength to see Your will through, that I not draw in and rely upon You solely to sustain me, but also to minister to others.  

Help me to remember Your gracious promises of a life spent with You:  Your Love, Your Presence, Your peace, Your Joy, all these tools that are the blessing of the mind staid on Thee.  Help me to dwell on those, so as to remember that the trials of this world are nothing in comparison to You, and to what You have given me.  

I look forward to life in the new body that You will give me, and to seeing Your face.  I can't wait to hug You and to be held by You "in person."  Thank You that You do hold me here on earth, and help me to recognize that embrace, so that I can feel and remember Your blessing.  Help me not to seek and wish for the day of Your return so much that it blinds me to the blessings that You give here and now.

I praise You in this storm through Your power.  Please help me to see Your glory in it, and to reflect it.  May my life be pleasing to You.  May I rest in the tremendous knowledge of Your good and perfect will.

In Jesus' Risen Name,

Amen

Traction

The bones in a human neck are supposed to form a curve.  Mine form a straight line and bear down on the nerve(s?) at the top of my shoulder.  We aren’t sure if an event caused this, or if I was born with it.  I remember noticing that my body always hurt around the age of nine, which isn’t to say that it wasn’t hurting before.  I only discovered that my neck was straight a few years ago, and that it was bearing down on a nerve a month or so ago.  The only things I have found to bring relief are deep tissue massage, and traction.

Traction, in my case, is essentially pulling my head away from my body to extend the space in between the vertebrae in my neck.  (Much popping is involved in successful manual traction, and it feels wonderful.)  Either someone can do it manually, or I could hang upside down and let gravity do the same thing.  

The trouble is, I don’t have the parallel bars at school to hang upside down on anymore, like I did as a child.  I remember thinking then that it felt really good... and now I can’t help but think that it was God’s provision that I loved hanging upside down as a child and did it at most opportunities.  

There are so many times throughout my life that come to mind during which I practiced some form of traction on myself without realizing it.  I used to bend over and hang my head with wet hair after a shower, place my hands with the towel on my jaw and let my neck relax so that the weight pulled away from my shoulders.  I would find a countertop to lift my weight off my feet with my arms and let my lower back relax and extend.  It hurt, but it also felt good.  My middle school P.E. teacher often told us that it was good for the body to spend about a minute a day upside down, and showed us how to do a hand stand next to a wall so that we were able to lean our feet against the wall.  An alternative she told us was to hang your head over the bed backwards.  I admit, I never tried the handstand anywhere other than that concrete wall on the playground that formed the handball court, but I did hang my head over my bed on several occasions.

It certainly seems that my condition has worsened over the years, and I don’t know that it’s all due to this particular issue.   I can’t help but wonder, though, if those practices of traction weren’t a result of God’s provision to delay the full fruition of the issue until the right time.  I could be wrong, but I think it would be just like Him.  I am thankful for traction, and the relief that it brings, and I am thankful that God brought it into my life in varying degrees at varying stages.  I do pray that now is the right time for the issue to be fully dealt with.  If not, however, then I praise Him for His good will.  May my life and my struggles be a reflection of His glory.

The Middle of the Week

As I drove home today, thinking about the anticipation of the weekend, it occurred to me that I was glad to have that anticipation.  Part of the excitement of a birthday, or of Christmas, or even of the weekend, is the Anticipation.  Sometimes, that suspense is even more enjoyable than the event - not that the event lacked anything, simply that it’s fun to wait for fun things.

As I’ve pondered the way that God has orchestrated the way the world works, I find myself thinking that I can learn so much stewardship here, even amidst - or perhaps the learning is amplified by - the sin in this world.  Money is the barest part of that stewardship; there’s so much more:  stewardship of my time, of my priorities, commitments, talents, choices, thoughts - of myself, really.  It seems to me that this is the primary center of what God is teaching me - at least right now, though I expect it will be a lifelong venture.

Life here is a journey with Him, and I will take the things that I learn here with me when I get to join Him.  So I am thankful for the journey as I wait to join Him... I don’t want it to stop there, though.  Life here is made up of moments, and I want to be thankful for each one.  It’s easy to attach a bit of a “trudging” (refer to Chaucer’s comment in “A Knight’s Tale” - warning, a bit of mild language, skewed philosophy, and a naked rear) feeling to the middle of the week - especially if the weekend doesn’t necessarily hold festivities.  Yet the middle of the week is still a part of my blessed journey with God.

I don’t wait for the weekend so that I don’t have to work; I love my job.  I wait for the weekend in order to spend more time with my family and friends.  Even if I didn’t love my job, I would have the choice in the stewardship of myself as I worked, to either dwell on how much I really don’t like my job, or upon how wonderful it will be when I get off of work to see my husband’s face... or maybe even other things.  Perhaps you’re a single parent, and it’s the face of your child.  Perhaps the goal of your work is to make enough money for a project - maybe to buy a house.  Dwell on what you can do because of your work, not the work itself.  The only caution:  don’t place your hope in that.  If it doesn’t turn out the way you expected, then God has something else good planned for you, and you got to enjoy the anticipation in the meantime.

So I am thankful for the middle of the week... for the teaching of the stewardship of myself as I wait, and for the anticipation that I have the choice and privilege to enjoy.